Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

There is so much going on in my brain right now. So much that I'm having a hard time processing. I'll just dump it right here for you, faceless internet reader, and maybe you can sort it out.

I tried drinking. I tried eating candy. I tried watching comedy shows that turned into tragedy shows before my eyes. I tried sleeping. I tried coffee. I tried going outside to exercise.  And I'm just sitting here breathing.

Namastay in my house from now on.

I am a middle-aged heterosexual cis-gendered white middle-class female. As a result, very little is likely to change in my life. I'm already educated, I'm already employed, I'm already paid as much as my male colleagues, I've already had children and been subsequently sterilized. Aside from cringing every time I hear President Trump speak, my life will more than likely not change at all. In fact, people may even assume I voted for Trump...something like half of women in my demographic did (and WTF was that about, sister suffragette?).

So why do I feel so violated? It's difficult to describe this feeling. It's very much like the way I felt after being mugged. I had a lot of WTF just happened here? followed by a feeling of hollowness, as though a cavern had opened up in my chest. I felt like I needed to cross my arms over my ribs to hold my body together. I actually did that this morning. Tried to hold my body together. 

I need someone to explain Trump's appeal to me. And not in slogans and platitudes. Really, truly explain to me. I want to understand. 

America isn't a reality show. Real, actual people are going to be affected by the policies a GOP controlled legislature with Trump at the helm could enact. He is not focused, he is not measured. He is a showman, and a damn good one...but can he govern?  And if he doesn't, who will? Mike Pence? Pray-the-gay-away-prove-it-was-a-miscarriage Mike Pence?  Several supreme court Justices are very elderly and there is already one vacancy. Have we just elected the President who will overturn Roe v. Wade? Undo the legalization of gay marriage? 

Who are his advisers? Newt Gingrich? Rudy Giuliani? Chris Christie? These are your Christian paragons of virtue? All you Family Values voters...these are your moral leaders? And please don't go all "But Bill Clinton had orgies with underaged donkeys and smoked cigars made of the pussies of virgins!" because 1. Bill wasn't the candidate and 2. Pics or it didn't happen. Also 3. I have no problem with the word pussy. Pussypussypussypussypussy. I have a problem with the idea that the violation of a woman's body is a punchline and everyone seems sort of fine with that. 

I am atheist AF and I don't hide it, which in this climate means I could never hold public office, so don't tell me to run. Polls indicate Americans would rather elect rapists than atheists. And I can sure see why, with such fine, upstanding Jesus-is-my-homeboy types just clambering to fake-pray their way into office. 

My consolation is this. There's no one to blame now. The GOP has been handed the reigns. There's no more Obama to point the finger at or Hillary to vilify. It's on Trump now. 

When Obama was elected I heard a lot of people express outright that they not only wanted him to fail, they would do everything in their power to make that happen. You know what that is? That's being a shitty American. You don't hope a President fails. I can hope Trump's plans to dial social justice back to 1948 fail. That's just self preservation. I need my own credit card to purchase leggings and multi-colored conditioners for my hair. 

I think the campaign promises Trump ran on are outrageous and impractical, and I think that once he sees how government actually works he is in for a very rude awakening. America is NOT a business, and it can't be run like one. The adjustment period is going to be ugly, but I can't hope for a government to fail. I can hope for people to see reason. I can work to make sure people are informed. I can stand up for friends and strangers who are experiencing injustice. I can make good and damn sure people don't sit out the midterm elections.

I can hope...I can hope... I can hope.

But just as a public service announcement? If anyone tries to grab my pussy I'm going to cut your heart out and eat it in front of you. You dig?

Now with 100% more nasty.