Ragnar Great River-the Recap

I've been away awhile.  So many things going on, so little sleep, so little downtime to use for blogging.

In brief, I've been trying to Crossfit 3 times a week and run 3 times a week.  Mostly I've been successful, but not always! 

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to join a team for Ragnar Great River from Winona, MN to Minneapolis, MN.  That's kind of misleading since most of the race is run in Wisconsin, but it's a part of the state I've never seen, and it was exciting to explore it on foot.

This was another team of near-total strangers for me. 

They look pretty harmless.

I got pulled onto this team pretty much the way I got pulled onto the last one.  I sort of knew someone on the interwebs and Ragnar came up, and I said "Sure!".  Sounds kind of iffy, I know, but it's worked out so far.  This team was The Streaking Freaks of Team NPCO which runs to support Chiropractic treatment for those that don't have access.  Two of our team members were chiropractors.  The team arrived every which way.  One van from Chicago, one van from Green Bay, an airplane, some cars, a bus...you name it.  I was in charge of renting the van from GB.  It was a beast.



It was huge. I feel as though it should have had a name.

I was the primary driver of the van, and mostly it was fine, except when it was terrifying.  More on that later.

My teammates were an interesting mix.  Two chiropractors, a nurse practitioner, two computer executives, a nurse instructor, a mechanic, and various other professions-including a professional runner.  Really. 



He is a serious running badass.  2016 Olympic hopeful, laying down 6 minute miles barefoot.

Richard Peters.  Remember him.

Personally, I prefered this race to Chicago.  It's hard to compare the teams, since the make-up was so different.  Girl fun is just different than mixed group fun.  I had a great time at Chicago, but I was underwhelmed by the course.  Great River was different.  It was a continual "wow".  A new vista around every bend.



Started right on the Mississippi.  1st leg crossed the bridge to WI.

A turnout on leg one.

Exchange 1

The weather was ideal.  Less than 50 at the start, but never dropped below 45 overnight.  Never got above 72 during the day, and a light cool breeze the whole time.  I couldn't have asked for anything more.

The major exchanges and sleeping areas during Chicago left much to be desired as well.  Disorganized parking, no light, nothing to see.





Sleeping area at Exchange 12.  They're making smores, too.

Out on the breakwater. Exchange 12.

This event was cool for a lot of reasons, but maybe the coolest was that everyone had a stellar performance.  Everyone.  AnnMarie (self-dubbed "team turtle") bested herself on each leg.  Dan D, who said he hadn't run in a couple of months and would probably run 10s, laid down 8:15-8:30 miles consistently.  His lovely girlfriend, Andrea, was burning up the pavement with 7s the whole time.  Brett, who was signed up for a half Ironman the day after Ragnar consistently posted fast times.  Even I did great, with sub-10s on more than one occaision.  I had a hill leg (leg 3) that slowed my pace to 11s, but even that was faster than I expected to go on that terrain.  Van 2 just flew down the course.  They were amazing. 

Logistically, this race was near perfect (getting there for many of the team members was less than perfect, but that's another whole post).  We found everything, we never lost anyone, no one was left hanging at exchanges, and no one got sick or injured.  Win.  I was full of equipment fail, however.

This dirty whore headlamp hid from me the whole trip.  I found it after we were done.

I ended up wearing Brett's headlamp because mine disappeared.  My Garmin?  That miserable piece of crap died moments before my 1st leg started and never recovered.  I had to wear Brett's Garmin the whole time.  I borrowed Dan's safety vest, because my blinky light was being stupid and I couldn't attatch it properly to my own.

Thank heaven for the kindness of strangers :)

Here's how I looked after each leg (like an idiot, mostly).



Leg 1.  Uphill at the end, but I made it in projected time.

JAZZ HANDS!!

To quote Falon "Fuck that leg in the face"

I liked the idea of taking shots after each leg.  It's a fun photo collage of the team's progress (and your own) through the course.  I'd do that again.

The 15 passenger van was much easier to pack.  We took out the back row and had tons of space for stuff.  Most of my team slept in the van on the benches and front seats during the night.  I opted for a sleeping bag on a football field.  I was plenty comfortable.

After we finished out third stint, we waited at the finish for Marc (team Captain) to roll in.  We got to run to the finish as a group, and had our picture taken.

Several of us got double medals. They clanked a lot.  I thought they sounded awesome.

The finish area was nicer for Great River than Chicago as well.  No burning lava hot sand, plenty of pizza and beer, and nice soft grass to rest on...along with tables and chairs and umbrellas.  There was also an actual medical professional at the medical tent.  It is on the UM campus, but class isn't in session yet, so there were no crowds.

Now.  The van incident.

After the race, some of us decided to go to the Mall of America.  (Marc needed socks, so MoA was the natural choice...).  This entailed dropping Brett off at the airport on the way.  Ok, easy peasy, right?  Wrong.  That involved removing my van from the parking structure.  The narrow aisled, low ceilinged parking structure.  I was so anxiety ridden that I was ducking to make the van smaller so we wouldn't hit the roof.  (It made sense in my head).  The outgoing trip was fine.  Airport? Fine.  Drive to Mall? Fine.  Then we had to park that monster again.  Another harrowing parking experience and we were in the mall.  Mark got his socks and we hit the Rainforest Cafe for some chow.

Paul and Rik.  They're not together.

These two harrassed the seating host so much I thought we were going to get kicked out.  I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die. 

After dinner, we left that crazy hell-hole.  Unfortunately, that meant I had to drive the monster van back to the hotel.  We got turned around and I ended up driving through downtown Minneapolis in that thing.  I was white knuckle terrified, especially after I almost killed bicycle Santa (his fault-he totally cut me off, the SOB).  By the time I was back in the parking garage I was a mess.  But now the assholes in the backseat were all making fun of me, Marc was talking in his Yoda voice, and I just wanted a motherfucking Xanax.  I was laughing so hard I was crying, and barely made it into a parking spot.  I really felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack!  The promise of beer was the only thing that got me through.

Marc made good.  That flight is mine.  Note Rik's drink.  Appletini on the rocks "in a butch glass".

A few drinks and more laughs with these guys almost made up for the years of my life I shaved off making that drive. 

Oh, I almost forgot!  The hardware.

It was really sad saying good-bye to everyone, but I had a great time.  I hope I get to run with team NPCO again in the future, because this was a riot.  Or who knows...maybe I'll join another team of total strangers. 

Ragnar.  Do it.  You won't regret it.









Momsperiment redux. Also fritters.

So my experiment has concluded.  It ended up lasting 6 weeks, courtesy of a boxwide Paleo challenge, but that's not a bad thing.  In fact, I'm going to consider this no longer an experiment-I changed my lifestyle, and I think I like it.

Before I get to the nitty gritty of after pics and measurements, look at these babies:

Zucchini Frittahs!

These were made with garden fresh zucchini provided by my friend Holly.  They taste like pan fried summer.  I wish you had a scratch and sniff computer screen, because they are crispy brown awesome.  Wanna make some? 

Shred 2 zucchini and squish all the water out.

Beat 3 eggs

Sift 1tbs coconut flour into the eggs (or white flour, I guess, you heathen)

Stir together, add zucchini and some salt and pepa (or pepper, I guess, if you don't have any 80s rappers lying around the house)

Melt some fat in a pan (bacon or coconut or whatever) and fry fry fry.

You can see I've fallen hook line and sinker for this Paleo stuff.  I'm trying not to be like a born again Christian, because those people are annoying.

Okay.  Down to brass tacks.

Before

After

Before

After

Holy shit, right?  I got a tan! In the shape of a running tank! Also, I absolutely promise that I am not doing that weird suck in and tuck under thing that they do in the diet commercials.  I did contract my abs, but I'm doing that in the before picture too :)

Numbers, numbers.

Weight: 162.4 (168.8)-this is on my home scale from the start 6 weeks ago.  On the box scale, fully dressed and after eating breakfast and drinking about a gallon of water I was down 3lbs :)
Under bust: 32in (33)
Waist (high): 30.5 (33)
Waist (low): 33.5 (34.25)-this is the measurement we used at the box for the challenge, so that's why I'm including it here.
Hips: 41 (42)
Upper arms: 11.75 (I forgot to write down and am too lazy to look)
Thighs: L-23.5 (24) R-24.5 (25).  Still uneven, but smaller at least.
Calves: L-15.25 R-15.5 (16 for both)  Now these are uneven.  Can you say asymmetry?

So I lost weight and I lost inches.  Happiness abounds.  Some more exciting news?  My mile split dropped from 9:00 to 8:19!  I was shooting for 8, but it was 97 freaking degrees and the uphill around the 0.75 mile mark just mentally fucked me.  Still, a 41 second improvement? In 30 days? With no speedwork?  Winning.

My situps went from 30 in 1 minute (full situps, not crunches) to 32-I wasn't expecting improvement here, I've been doing killer core workouts for 2 years. 

Pushups were the biggest surprise.  I was able to do 11 unmodified full release pushups in 1 min on day 1.  I did 23 (!!) on the last day.  Fuck. Yes.

So now I'm off the strict "Challenge" phase of this eating plan.  I had part of a muffin this morning with my second breakfast (I'm like a fucking Hobbit with the eating), and it was good.  Not oh-my-god-feed-me-carbs good, but good.  I ate what I wanted and stopped when I was done.  It was my little reward for being such a good girl, and for running 2 killer hills in 82 degree weather this morning at 0530. 

82 degrees at 0530 is never okay.  Never.

In other news, these party balloons refuse to die.  They are 10 days old with no signs of drooping.  They were a dollar each.  Go go Dollar Tree party supplies.

The rest of the week will be focused on getting my workouts in at the crack of dawn and all recorded before the weekend.  My husband is going on his annual guys-only camping trip from Friday to Monday.  I hope we all survive the weekend.  If the weather gets better we'll be fine.  I might even plan an outing to the zoo or farmer's market.  If it's still 99 with a heat index of 1000?  It's going to be a loooooooong 4 days. 

Warning: Photobomb

It's been a little while.  I've been busy...doing all the usual stuff.  Working, kid-wrangling, running (a bit), CrossFitting (a bit), and planning a 5th birthday party for my daughter.



Giant bounce house.  There's a motherfucking slide in there.

The party ended up being huge.  Tons of kids, lots of parents, and just enough food.  Only one barfer in the bounce house, and truthfully it's because he took a head to the nose.  Minor mess, his mom was there and cleaned the whole thing up.  Win.  My kids all loved the bounce house.

Pat wore through the heels of these socks.  "I jumpaJUMP, Mommy!"

Charlie was all about the slide. 

Lily got a crapload of presents, and we got our backyard barbecue, just like we wanted.  A great day.

The Friday before the party, I spent half the day cleaning, then treated myself to a little much needed foot maintenance.

Per Charlie "Shiny, Mommy!  My toes shiny, too, Mommy?"

I was a little loathe to part with my calluses, but my feet look far less leathery now, and I'll have plenty of time to build up new ones as I train for (drumroll):

Grandma's Marathon 2013!!!!

Yep.  I'm going to do another marathon.  Something I really never thought I'd do.  What's more, I convinced my husband to do it, too.  The Gary Bjorkland was my very first half back in 2009, and I'm excited to revisit the course and see some great friends at the same time.  I'm also planning to try a new training tactic:

I'm pretty sure this is going to require speedwork...



On a different training note, I'm still hitting the CrossFit box.  I wish I was getting there more often, but it's so difficult to time.  Of note, this week will end the box-wide Paleo challenge and the fit test will take place early next week.  I'll report my Momsperiment results when that's done.  As a preview, I'm down about 5lbs and my waist is 2 inches smaller!  I'm curious to see how my mile will pan out.  This tuesday, I did push presses at 75# and bruised my collarbone in the process.  When I hoisted that bar into the air, I felt like a fucking superhero.  It was like magic, and I felt amazing.  I didn't even notice the bruising until someone asked what was wrong with my collarbone.  Tomorrow is something called burpee box jumps (I'm pretty sure I know what that means, and I'm sure it sucks).  I want to keep CrossFitting, but it's been really hard to find a good time to go with my husband's schedule and the whole mommy guilt thing.

Now.  The most surprising thing:  I really dig Paleo.  For real.  I don't feel deprived, I don't have to count calories or mind portions, I'm learning what "satiety" actually means for the first time in my life.  My blood sugar has stabilized, I don't have swings or drops, I have energy all the time.  I sleep great, and feel great every morning.  I never have that desperate hungry feeling, and my cravings have disappeared.

See these?  Didn't even want one.  Amazing.

Donuts used to be my diet kryptonite.  I would avoid avoid avoid, then obsess obsess obsess, then cave cave cave, then hate hate hate myself.  These sat a few feet from me all day and I had absolutely no desire to eat them.  Not one tiny bit.  Today it was cake and pretzles with dip, stuff I would eat until I was sick.  No desire.  None. 

It doesn't seem real.  How is it possible? I don't want soda, bread holds no charms, and while I initially missed cheese?  Yeah.  Not so much anymore.  I do put half and half in my coffee in the morning, but that's pretty much it.  I really feel that this way of eating is sustainable over the long haul, and I don't want to go back to the way I was.  Self hatred is exhausting.  This new way of being?  It's exhilarating.  I feel unstoppable.

Coconut Klondike Bites www.paleOMG.com

I won't pretend I don't have treats.  I have an occaisional drink. These coconut thingys?  They are delicious, but one every couple of days is enough.  I make paleo waffles, pancakes, and muffins, I eat sweet potatoes...but I feel no need to overeat, and a handful of dates or a baggie of grapes is enough to kill a sweet craving.  I'm starting to really understand what eating all the bullshit chemical garbage I used to think of as "food" was doing to me.  I don't obsess about food anymore.  It's like being released from prison.

So there you have it.  In the next 4 weeks I'll be concentrating on hills and strength as I prepare for Ragnar Great River.  After that, it's on to the anchor leg of the Fox Cities Marathon Relay with the Drug Dealin' Divas of Team LiveFit ABMC (subheading: Prescription for Awesome).  My leg is 10K, and I'm in the hunt to shatter my previous PR.

Life is fucking awesome. 

One more photo, to finish out.

 

This is about to end badly.





I Came. I Saw. I Marathoned.

The inaugural HFM Maritime Marathon is run and done!  I finished!  I'm officially a marathoner!

A super slow marathoner, but a marathoner none the less.  I finished in 5:3?:??  I think?  I wasn't looking at the finish clock, just the finish line, and my Garmin is a dirty whore, so I don't really know.

What I do know is that I was not DFL.  Praise Cheeses.

This event was a marathon only.  There are plans for a half next year, but this year was just the full and a relay.  There were something like 400 runners among all the events (2-person relay, 4-person, and solo), so the start line was pretty sparse compared to the Cellcom.

The fire truck was pretty damn cool.

Before we set off, the mayor of Two Rivers, the mayor of Manitowoc, the CEO of Holy Family Memorial, and one of the race organizers gave us a pep talk (and a priest or something).  They all seemed pretty excited at the turnout.  I guess they originally expected around 100 people total to do this thing, so having 4 times that much was pretty great.  A race participant sang the anthem!

Packet pick-up was at the Maritime museum, which was nifty.

At this point I was still all confident and excited and stuff.

The guys at the pick-up were crazy nice.  One even offered to take this picture with me in it.  We all know how much I adore being photographed.  I politely declined his offer.

I noticed as I was driving to packet pick-up and again to the start line, that Manitowoc really is a lovely community.  It's a crying shame so much of their industry has folded.  It is really happily situated on the lake, and there are some beautiful homes and schools and parks all over the city.

This morning I got up, had some sweet potato hashbrowns and eggs, made a cup of coffee and headed down to the lake.  It was about 63 degrees and lightly raining.  Winning.  I got to the start, made use of the super convenient parking lot, ate a banana and got in line for the porta-john.  I accidentaly opened the door on a dude (Lock that sucker! Green means GO!), and struck up conversation with the lady in front of me (Is that weird?  I always talk to people in line for the pisser).  Her name was Amada and she was also running her first marathon.

15 minutes before the start, I saw this:

Warming up.  WARMING. UP.

Please forgive me if you're the type that does this, but I think that warming up before a marathon?  Is stupid.  Seriously.  You have 26.2 motherfucking miles to run today.  Why for the love of all that is holey (that's not a typo), would you run a mile before you start? Crazypants.

So how did it go?  Well, I went out too fast.  Way. too. fast.  10 minute mile fast.  By the time I hit mile 5 I was feeling nauseous.  It was stupid, I know that, but I felt so good the first mile...and I got caught up in the 10 minute pack and wanted to stay there and....and I fucked up.  I should have reigned it in.  I learned my lesson later.

I ran most of the way to mile 10, then ran and walked to the turnaround.  My half split was 2:36 or somesuch, and I knew I was way in the back of the pack after the turnaound.  I actually saw the winner.  I was at about mile 9, running about 1:40, and he was coming at me fast.  This is something I hate about out and backs-I don't want to see the winner.  It makes me feel slow and stupid.  The last 3 miles to the turnaround were very busy.  People everywhere.  By the time I made it back to Neshoto beach, I was alone again.

My Garmin decided to crap out at almost exactly mile 15.  That thing is an evil whore.  It has worked perfectly well on every long run, but fucking dies at every fucking race.  I was counting on that damn thing to help me pace the last 10 miles, since the course is long and straight down the shore, so the finish is pretty much visible the whole time. 

Mile 16-21 were hard for me.  Mentally, I was feeling downtrodden.  I knew I was off pace, but had no idea how far off.  I knew I was way way way in the back of the pack, but I didn't really know how many were behind me.  Physically, my right foot cramped up pretty badly. I didn't expect that at all.  It came and went for the rest of the race. By the end  couldn't really feel my right arch, but I think that was a good thing.

At 21 I caugh up to Amanda (from the porta-john line).  She was walking with her daughter.  When I asked how she was doing, she told me she was thinking of quitting.  I sort of gasped and said "You can't! We're only 5 miles from the finish!!"  She said she didn't think she would make it by the cut off.  I told her that it was only 11:30, and if she just kept up a good walking pace she would totally make it.

It was at that moment that I got my second wind.  I started running and turned back to her.  I pointed at her and said "You can do this.  I know you can."  In reality, I was talking to myself as much as to her.

I passed several people during those last miles, but never really caught the pack.  I walked and ran and walked some more.  My friend Joanne waved a sign at me just after mile 25, and again at the finish.  We finished out back of UW Manitowoc, with a beautiful view of the water:

There was an arch thingy.  This was taken pre-race.

I got an orange slice, then made straight for the food tent.  ShotBlocks are all fine and good, but I was seriously choking them down by the end.  I couldn't stand the sweetness.  I got my free Cher-Make brat and my free Point Brewery beer and Joanne and I parked ourselves on the hillside to cheer on the last few finishers. 

"White shirt" finished next-I never got her name.  We paced from 22.5-23.5 together.  Then came Liz, who I chased the whole way and finally overtook when her hip locked up at 21.  Then came "iPhone guy" who leapfrogged me from 15-21 and told me the time when I asked him.  Then came Amanda.   I have never been so proud of a total stranger.  She did it!  "Barefoot guy" was the last male finisher.  He did the whole damn thing in Vibram 5 fingers.  Ouch.  Then the older lady who was bringing up the rear at the turn around.

I leapfrogged  a lady named Carol near the turnaround. I don't think she finished.  I hope she is okay.

This course was so beautiful.  We ran through city streets, paved trail, gravel trail, and on a newly completed walkway on the beach.  It was so very lovely.  I would do it again as a relay in a heartbeat.

The shirt and hardware.

What I really liked about this race was the friendly feeling.  The volunteers were so great.  Every one with a smile and a word of encouragement...even for those of us way back in the pack.  I have never experienced such warm hospitality.  I would never have guessed his was a first year event, it was that well run.  To think, it was pretty much a group of running buddies that made this happen.  Cool.

How did I feel at the finish?  Hungry.  That's about it.  Relieved to be done.  No tears, no personal epiphany...just hunger :)  I'm really deep and shit.

I did get a little choked up when this song came on my iPod in the car. 



Yes.  It's the Glee version.  Judge all you want, I love 4 part harmony, and this totally brought tears to my eyes as I sang along in the car.  I sing the Santana part, if you were wondering.

Long story short, this was a great race.  I would highly recommend it!

Who's in for the relay next year?















We're Going Through Changes...

It's been a big week around here.  Lily lost her first tooth:

Tiniest tooth ever.

 

She has been wiggling it around for weeks, since loosening it while chewing on her pant leg.  Yeah.  You read that right.  What can I say?  She's a bit of a goofball.  Not surprising, considering her parentage.

 

It's potty training time for the boys:

Just makes you want to tinkle, doesn't it?

 

The thought of toilet training two boys makes me exhausted.  Lily was so great at it...initially.  Then I got huge and pregnant and she started pissing herself to piss me off.  It worked.  Thus began a cycle of success and regression that is still not over.  She's going to be five on July 2nd.  Now you understand my trepidation.  If it takes 3 years to train these boys, I'll be snorting Effexor and chewing Xanax like candy. They're ready, though.  They went to daycare in underpants today, with a huge bag of extra clothes.  We'll see how much laundry I'm in for this evening. 

 

Today I got up early and went to CrossFit, then came home and cleaned the house, did laundry, and set up the potty station.  In a couple of hours, I'll be busily making supper while shouting at children.  I'm a complicated woman, and no one understands me but my....oh never mind.

 

I'm going through my own changes.  I've been 18 days Paleo (with one slip), and I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm down 2lbs (nothing earth shattering there), but my waist is 2in smaller and my legs are firming up.  I am beginning to see muscle definition in my arms and shoulders.  That's a first.

 

Here's what I've noticed.  Each CrossFit session is a lesson in fear and humility.  I go in there and am confronted with what seems like an impossible task (Climb this rope!  Handstand pushup! 100 squats followed by a 1 mile run!).  I feel nervous, sick even (seriously, I've been having gym class flashbacks).  Then something funny happens.  I accomplish the task.  I climbed a rope.  I did about 25 handstands today.  I did squats until I couldn't feel my legs, then posted a mile in 9 flat.  Certainly there are things that will be a challenge for a long time (Toes to bar?!?! Yeah.  Right.  Double unders?  I haven't jumped rope since I was 9.), but I feel confident that with time I will be able to do them. 

 

The most striking thing?  I can feel the hatred I've always had for my body slipping away.  Now, I'm not saying I see a supermodel in the mirror, but I'm developing a healthy respect for what my body is capable of.  I don't spend 30 minutes picking out the workout gear that makes me look the least fat...I pull some shit on and just go.  No one at CrossFit is wearing a cutsy outfit.  When I did handstands today, my shirt fell up and my abs were exposed for all to see.  I didn't care at all.  All I wanted was to get up in that handstand and stick there. 

 

I may not be skinny, but I am fit and I am strong.  Fitter and stronger by the day.  I find myself really hoping that this will be a continuing trend.  I don't want to spend my life wondering if everyone that looks at me is laughing at me.  I want to walk upright through my days feeling healthy and happy, not giving a shit about whether the stockboy at Festival thinks I'm a fat ass.

 

Weight is a bullshit number.  I refuse to be defined by it.

***********************************************************************************

 

The final change:

 

This is my Dad.  1/1/12.

 

This was the first Father's Day without my Dad.  The picture above was taken the last time he was able to travel to my house.  It was taken 26 days before he died.  He came over to see the kids, and Lily is proudly holding up a container of his favorite cookies.  He was still able to eat a bit at that point, but there were still three of those cookies left when he passed.  We sent them with him into the fire.  The cookies, the magnet he's holding in his left hand (Lily made it for him), and that goofy camoflage hat. 

 

I miss him. 

My Hips and Ankles Hate Me

So, second week of CrossFit down.  Know what I learned this week?  My hips and ankles are dirty whores.  I am still struggling with squats.  When I get low enough, my foot position isn't right (yeah, I know I'm pigeon toed), and when my foot position is right I can't get low enough without screaming pain in my ankle.  Like I think it might break pain.  Scary, injury pain. 

So what is a pain-hating, wanna be marathoner to do?  Have a Functional Movement Screening, that's what.  A chiropractic/massage/exercise therapist type person is going to run me through a few exercises and point out all my many form flaws.  Sounds like a super self-esteem builder.  Hopefully, after pinpointing all the areas of my anatomy that can use work, the exercises/stretches they give me will help loosen everything up so I can fucking squat without Grant getting in my face. 

Speaking of Grant, I ran into him at the grocery store on Monday night as I was buying snacks for work.  He walked right up and started poking around in my grocery bag before I realized who he was.  I looked up and said "What the fuck are you...oh, hi Grant."  He said "Just checking your shit out.  Looks good." and walked away.  I was buying unsweetened almond milk and grapes, which passed muster, I guess.  He's like a ninja, that dude.

Last night's workout was run heavy, which made me so flipping happy, you don't even know.  Everyone else in the group was bitching about it, and I just grinned and grinned.  Running beats the shit out of burpees, and last night was a beautiful night for a run.  I got mine, though, because after finishing the workout and catching and passing the rest of the class on the last run, my reward was burpees and situps until everyone was done.  So. not. winning.

This morning involved wall balls and rope climbing.  So basically, a big bag of squat fail and terror.  Rope climbing is like a nightmare for me.  I was an uncoordinated, completely unathletic teenager.  Ropes were a source of humiliation in every high school gym class I ever had.  But you know what?  I climbed the thing.  Only halfway up, but I did it.  It scared the poop out of me, but I'm hoping that will get better in time. 

CrossFit seems to be becoming a means by which to face my fears.  Box jumps?  Terrifying.  Rope climbs?  Scary shit, man.  Upcoming will be handstand pushups, which seriously makes me want to cry.  Still, it's becoming clear to me that I am fitter than I thought, and if I just stop listening to the fat girl in my head, maybe I can do this shit after all. 

Fit test tomorrow after my FMS, then the Paleo challenge begins.  Goal:  To drop my mile split by 1 minute over the next 30 days. 

Wish me luck.  And meat cookies.

F*ck This Blog Post in the Face

Wow.  So....Ragnar.  It's so hard to put into words!  So much stuff happened over the last few days, and yet it feels like it all happened in a dream state.  I have a hard time remembering when things happened, what time of day (or just what day), or even where shit happened.  I lost all geographic sense almost immediately.  It was disorienting at first, then I just stopped caring what town we were in...all that mattered was the hand off, the next leg, the next exchange.

Here we are getting ready

That's Kim from www.twinlane.blogspot.com Note the

words on the back of the van "Show us yer Booty".  It will be important later.

We had pirate flages, and panties on a rope, and an inflateable parrot on the exterior of the van.  There was also a stuffed parrot duct taped to the dash.  It was a van of pirate awesome.

That's Rachel from Running in Real Life, Kimbu, Kimba, Lisa, Falon from Falon Does Marathon, and moi.

We started at 11am.  It was fucking hot.  In fact, that doesn't even truly describe how hot it was.  It was damn fucking hot.  Crazy, freakishly hot.  90 freaking degrees.  In Wisconsin.  In early June.  Anyone who knows me, knows I hate the heat.  It was anxiety producing for me, because I didn't want to fail my team, but I also didn't want to die.

My first leg was brutal.  I followed Kimba, who is a fucking running machine.  Seriously, she finished a long ass, brutally hot leg looking like a damn fashion model.  Me?  I looked like this:

Less than fashion-modely.

And that was before I started running.  There is video of me coming into the exchange, and I looked half melted and pissed off.  To borrow Falon's terminology, I wanted to fuck that leg in the face.  I was slow as shit, and felt worse.  It. was. so. hot.  I handed off to Rachel, who is a running rockstar in addition to being the most organized person on the planet.  I should have taken pictures of the race binder.  It was a thing of beauty.  I'm pretty sure that chick could run the world. 

After we finished our first legs, we had some downtime.  A meal was in order, so we hit the Pinecone in Lake Mills.  They had these in the bakery case:

Cream puff as big as your head.  Eclairs as big as a baby.

I really wanted some bakery, but I resisted.  I did however have eggs with double bacon.  Bacon?  Is the candy of meat.  It was delicious.  File that under sodium replacement.

We hit the major exchange to try to sleep.  It didn't go well for most of us.  I fell asleep briefly, but couldn't stay asleep, so finally just said fuck it and stopped trying.  The exchange was crazy busy at first, but got eerily quite after a couple of hours.  That's when we started thinking something was up.  Van 2 finished up, and Kim was off into the woods in the pitch dark, headlamp blazing.

The night legs were....interesting.  Some of us were exhilarated, others terrified.  Me?  I was just grateful it was cooler.  I did 3.9 miles in the pitch black, all alone.  I had a moment of brief panic when a thug looking kid stepped out of the dark with 1 mile to go, but I had my phone out so the panic passed quickly.  I'm pretty sure the fact that I'm big and ugly, combined with sweaty and dirty put off any sort of attacker.  He was also relatively small, so I'm pretty sure I could have beat the shit out of him if I'd had to.

At exchange 18, we met Van 2 and found out that we had started at the wrong time for our pace.  There were several teams in the same boat, so we all jumped a couple of legs and double or tripled up running so everyone would get to run.  We arrived at the next major exchange exhausted, frazzled, and jumpy. 

Blah, blah sunrise.  We need to pooooooop!

We devised a plan to jump leg 2, and double up leg 27.  It was 6:30am and pleasant, but the sun was freaking hot, and by 8am it was clear there would be no let up on the heat.  Falon and Lisa killed leg 27, and Kimba fucking tore up the trail on leg 28.  Me?  I was sent off by Falon with a "Fuck this leg in the face".  It was 4.9 miles of shade free dirt track.  I wanted to die, and I was full of fail.  I swore and walked and ran and walked and walked and ran and cursed and wanted to cry.  I stumbled into the exchange feeling like a bag of shit, and handed off to Rachel.

Look how fucking pretty I am after 2 days without a shower. 

In the meantime, a team member was having a family crisis.  Jen from found out a family member was hospitalized, and needed to leave the course.  Van 2 was awesome and supportive and got her to the train station so she could try to make her way home.  The fabulous Linda from Mom Running from Cancer stayed with her, and as a result missed one of her legs.  Linda is seriously the most wonderful person.  I got to run with her during our Madison meet up in March, and she is just positivity personified.  I wish I had half her drive and enthusiasm. 

Blah blah blah, backstory, backstory, backstory, and we were stuck in traffice trying to get to the finish to meet our intrepid finishers from Van 2 Jamie from Running Diva Mom and Amy Zem from Running is Cheaper Than Therapy so we could cross the finish together.  Kim was fantastic in the role of driver, even though I'm pretty sure she wanted to punch Chicago in the butthole.  She almost had the opportunity when we looked out the left side of the car and saw a big, hairy butt hanging out of the car next to us.  Well, the car did say "Show us yer booty".  It was bound to happen.

We finally made it to Montrose beach and crossed the finish line in some hot ass sand.  Marcia and Amy G were also in attendance...we were missing Linda and Jen, but we crossed.  The sand was hot, there was no shade and no ice, and the medical tent was a bit of a joke.  After a brief break in the shade we were all ready to get the fuck out of there. 

The finish was weird.  I hardly remembered the last 36 hours, and even though I ran(ish) all my legs I felt like we didn't really finish.  We all worked so hard and went through so much, and we certainly weren't the only team that doubled up (in fact I heard several teams discussing it at the finish), but it still felt surreal. 

So how would I rate my Ragnar experience?  It. was. awesome.  I have never laughed so hard or suffered so much in my life.  Ragnar was harder than childbirth, but way more fun.  I met a bunch of incredible women I never would have met if not for this event.  Thanks so much to Kim and Rachel for letting me be a part of it.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I will always remember handing out ice and water at our impromptu water stops, and the look of exhaustion turned to gratitude on the faces of the runners who took ice and stuffed it in their sports bras and shorts and hats.  Meeting and cheering on the other teams, facing fears, sight seeing, getting pulled over at 2am, sweating, and laughing, and shouting, and dancing, and wearing panties on the outside of my clothing.  Thanks also to Jamie for the killer swag bag, it was so much fun to dig through it all and try everything out!

Back:  Kim, Marcia, Rachel, Falon, Lisa, Kim, Me,

Front: Linda, Amy G, Jen, Jamie, Amy Zem

Seriously, how can you not love this team idea?

I love these girls.  All of them. 

Van 1, with the first layer scrubed off.

I haven't looked at the results yet, mostly because I don't care.  I got my medal, race shirt, and decal for my car, so I'm good.  Speaking of the medal.

It's pretty badass.  Also a bottle opener.

So what did I do to celebrate?  Well, I had two beers and some pizza.  Paleo fail, but I fucking deserved it.  I also slept a lot so that I could get up and go to Crossfit this morning and have my ass handed to me.  Seriously, I can't feel my quads.  I also blistered my hand (and ruptured one blister) doing jump pullups. 

Now what, you might ask?  Oh yeah.  I have a marathon coming up.  And more Crossfit. 

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?  I've clearly developed masochistic tendencies.  And on that note, I'm going to chow some Paleo waffles and go to sleep.  I'm on the third shift for the next two days.  Glutton for punishment?  I think so.

This was a long ass post.  Did you make it to the end?  I owe you a meat cookie.