Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Preparing for 2017 or "Badass Is As Badass Does"

I'm going to be 40 in 260 days. Two hundred and sixty days. I have 260 days to get my "accomplish before 40" goals squared away.  Being as I already have a fair amount going for me in the life department, the majority of my goals are fitness focused.

Disclaimer: I'm pretty happy with my body. Yeah, I whine about my flat ass or my lack of abs, but I feel more than good about myself like 83% of the time. I don't think there was ever a point in my life that I was more body-confident than I am now...except possibly when I was pregnant with my boys. Because HELLO I am growing two humans simultaneously and I am LARGE and IN-CHARGE and can eat chilidogs whenever I damn well please. 

What I'm saying is my goals aren't really aesthetic, even if they may sound that way. Of course I wanna look hot in shorts. You do, too. You can say you don't, but you're lying. I'm headed full steam at 40. I have stretch marks (hoo-boy, do I have stretch marks) from being fat and being pregnant (I was pretty fat in my early 20s and pretty pregnant in my early 30s). I have cellulite. I have scars and bruises and spider veins and varicosities (I know, stop with the sexy talk). I don't care about all that shit. There are more important things to worry about (like the end of civilization #MAGA). Yes, I'd like to look a certain way...but that's the happy side effect, not the goal at this point.

I fail the "barbell test".

One of my running themes is irritation with the flatness of my ass. It's genetic. Wide and flat, that's my backside. I've been working really, really hard for the last year to counteract my flat-ass genes. Yes, this is an aesthetic thing. It's also a strength thing. My glutes are lazy AF. I'm trying to fix that. Strong glutes help so many things. Lifting, running, fuck even your posture is affected if your posterior chain is weak. I'm so much stronger now than I was a year ago, but there is more work to do.

By 40 my ass will not fit under this barbell. By the end of 2017 I will squat 200#. By the end of 2017 I will deadlift 250#. 

This is my barbell. I will make it my friend.

I've been doing some programming through Barbell Shrugged. It's had me doing tempo squats among other things. Tempo squats are kicking me in the teeth. Pause squats initially made me so panicky that I felt ill. Going on 3 weeks in it's astounding how much better everything feels. I did pause squats today and I felt...not comfortable...but not totally freaked out in the hole. That's progress. 

I had a moment the other day after doing a bunch of shoulder work. It was a good moment. Now, my body fat percentage is good. For a woman my age it's pretty fucking great, but it's not really low enough to see huge amounts of definition. However...

With a decent pump I can almost believe people can tell I work out. 

My shoulders and back have come a LONG way over the past year. It all started with chaturangas during the October challenge at Jenstar in 2015. Developing confidence in that movement and doing it often gave me the strength I lacked to get my chin up over the bar for my first pull-ups. Now I'm benching, barbell rowing, and changing up my push-up routine...and my back is strong enough that I think chest-to-bar pull-ups are close on the horizon (overhand grip, that is, I can do them underhand). 

That's another goal. Overhand grip C2B. I also really want to learn to butterfly my pull-ups. It'll be a while before I get there, I have other accessory work to do...but it seems possible now, and it didn't before. 

In 2017 I will also run my final marathon. Fantastic husband and I are running the Marine Corps 17.75k in March in order to guarantee entry into the Marine Corps Marathon in October. I wanted to end my distance running career with a bang, and this is it. I'm sure I'll still run a half marathon here or there, but the fire I used to have for running is gone. I still do it, because it's good for me, but I don't enjoy it like I used to. Maybe I'll find that again this year, but I doubt it. 

I'm back on the wagon with my eating as well. Not that I was really off the wagon, but I wasn't as consistent as I have been, and I wasn't getting enough water by half. So it's back to drinking water like it's my job and eating all the things every day, not just some days. Here's some shit I've eaten recently.

Spaghetti squash and sauce from scratch.


Pomegranates. So fucking pretty. So fucking labor intensive.

Eggs, they're not just for breakfast anymore.

Fish at midnight.

Right now I'm so full of food and water I feel like someone inflated me.

I made this. It made me laugh. 

I'm actually really excited to work towards these goals this year. Strength takes time, and time I have in spades. I also have an endless well of self-discipline, as long as I let myself tap it. Self-sabotage is a looming specter. While I'm pretty damn great at carrying out a plan, I am equally as great at sneakily derailing myself, sometimes before I realize what is happening. 

It's in interesting place, the inside of my head. Abandon hope all ye who enter here. 

So here's the launch of a year long journey to do some shit 20 year old me would never have considered. I'm pretty excited to be 40 year old me, to tell you the truth. Saying "I'm 39" feels lame as fuck. 

Deep thoughts with stolen internet memes.

By way of recap, in 2017 I will:
1. Snatch 100# (I didn't mention that one, but it is A Thing)
2. Back squat 200#
3. Deadlift 250#
4. C2B overhand grip
5. Ring dips, no band (again, didn't mention it, but I'm working on it)
6. Hike the West Highland Way with my love (95 miles in 7 days-my birthday present)
7. Run the Marine Corps Marathon
8. Make my booty big enough to stop a barbell free-rolling across the floor. 
9. Prevent myself from hacking off my hair with a garden shears before June.
10. EPIC bounce house 'n booze adults only 40th birthday party. 

Image result for bouncy house
I have got to find this motherfucker.

Have you got a pack of goals for 2017? I'm not talking about resolutions, those are stupid. I'm talking about goals. Climb K2, swim the English channel, eat your weight in dark chocolate salted caramels (I may have done this), knit a sheep, punch a baby. Whatever. 

What are you working towards? What gets your motor running? Wanna come over and work out?

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