Blogging 2015: 64 down, 1951 to go

Took a bit of a "rest" day today.  Just 3 miles easy on the treader. It was actually a lovely day outside, but I was in need of sleep and then had to take my car in to have a tire checked.  After that I went to the vet to pick up Lucy (she had her lady parts removed today) and by the time I got home it was dusk.  Opportunity lost.  Oh well.  I'm well rested and still got a few miles for my total.  Not a bad thing, really.

In a way I feel bad for Lucy, she's obviously still in an anesthesia haze and probably pretty uncomfortable. She spent a little time in my lap wrapped in a blanket when we first got home, then crawled inside her crate and has been kind of punked out since.  She is never, ever this chill.  This is a dog with a 4' vertical leap from a standing position.  It's a little freaky.  In a way I am jealous.  She'll never have her period again.  Lucky bitch.

Last night was a decent one.  Little of this, little of that.  I had a bag full of leftovers so I still have my handy lunch card.  Started my night with some sweet potato jalapeno chowder.

No heartburn!

This is the last weekend I'll be working with one of my techs, so she made cupcakes.

Wasn't that nice?

I had the very last orange and some venison sticks for snack.  I only ate one of the meat sticks.  Just wasn't feeling it at 3am.  And apparently I lost the photo, so you'll have to use your imagination.

I brought quinoa mush for breakfast.  I don't know why I dished such a huge portion, I couldn't finish it.

Mmmmm.  Mushy.

I slept like the dead today.  It was great.  There was snow falling this morning when I left the hospital.  It was perfect Christmas snow, if you know what I mean.  No wind, just light fluffy flakes floating down from the clouds.  If I wasn't afraid of getting flattened by a school bus I might have gone for a run right then and there.

Dinner was pot roast.  We usually kennel Lucy during dinner because she is a hopeless beggar.  Tonight she just sort of stood under the table with her head on my knee, then crawled into her kennel and konked out. Normally she'd be going apeshit in her kennel because we have the kids put whatever they don't eat in her bowl.  Is this what normal dogs are like?  I'm so used to her being practically psychotic I've forgotten what other dogs are like.  

Basic but tasty.

Got on the treader after dinner for a bit.

Today's Netflix?  Prison documentary.

I'm finding myself more at peace with the treadmill.  

I watched a documentary called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" the other day.  It's about a dude with chronic urticaria (among other things) who goes on a 60 day juice fast.  It was interesting.  Now I find myself fascinated with the idea of a juice fast (not that maple syrup cayenne pepper lemon bullshit...green juices, etc).  Not for 60 days of course.  That's madness.  It's intriguing, though.  

So that was my day.  Cupcakes, tires, sleeping, and neutered dogs.

I should have a TV show.  This shit is golden.

Blogging 2015: 61 down, 1954 to go

After being awake most of the day yesterday with just a short nap in the afternoon, I made the decision to catch a short 30 minute nap before getting ready to go to work last night.  Let's just say I set my alarm incorrectly and woke up shortly after 9pm.  My shift starts at 9:30.  Oops.  I pretty much rocketed out of bed and into the shower.  You know what time I clocked in? 9:29 motherfucker.  That's right, I showered, dressed in clean matching clothes, put on make-up, dried and styled my hair, packed up my bag, got my winter gear on, and drove to work in under 25 minutes.  I DIDN'T EVEN SPEED Y'ALL.

I feel as though this is a superpower.  You better recognize.

Last night was mostly uneventful.  This is never a bad thing as it means people aren't getting worse.  It's funny.  When you work in health care, you know you should want to be bored because it means people aren't getting sick or injured.  But you're still bored.  But you can't really wish to be not bored because that's kind of the same as wishing people would get sick or injured...and that's fucked up.  

Oh HAY!  I got a free meal from the boss man today.  Turns out one of the unit nurses wrote up what we call a "Pat on the Back" card for me and my tech.  I guess we're the bees knees, so I got a little certificate and a lunch card.  Gave me a warm fuzzy...I feel like we put the hammer down so often, it's nice to get some positive recognition for the job we try to do.  

I ate the last of the Cottage Pie at midnight.  Uh, I forgot to photograph it before.

I think it was delicious.

Around 3am I got out my snack.  These oranges are almost all gone now.  I need to go to Costco and get another 13#.  Which will last me approximately 15 minutes.  I also had some cheese, because this is Wisconsin and the Packers won.  I think it's the law.

Even the cheese is orange.

I had 2 mini-cream puffs last night.  I spaced taking a picture.  They were about the size of a half dollar. Also pretty tasty.

I made my forgotten protein shake from yesterday for "breakfast" at around 6:30.  I was feeling empty and I have a hard time sleeping with a completely empty stomach.  

White chocolate peppermint.

When I got home I was feeling unsatisfied, so I made some bacon.  Because I love bacon.  

Hey, it's not a donut.

I was unconscious before 8am.  Got up around 1pm because I was volunteering at the boys' school today and I had to be sure I made it because I completely forgot the last time (I am a great parent) and they were pretty anxious about it this morning.  You know the shitty thing?  I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I volunteer at the school, I play games and read and haven't ever beaten or killed them.  What they're going to remember?  The fact that ONE TIME when they were 4 years old, I forgot my volunteer day at school.  Sigh.

Anyway, I ate an orange and walked over to the school.

Seriously, if the next box isn't this good I'm going to be fucking sad.

So I did my motherly duty, crisis averted, made some pictures with some kids and stapled some books together.  Walked home, and got on the treader.  It was a beautiful sunny day, but I wanted to do 5 miles to bring today's total up to 6 and it still gets dark relatively early so I opted to treadmill it.

I passed the time watching a documentary about the English monarchy.  Because I'm a history dork.  

Ok, I"m pretty much just a regular dork.

Fantastic husband made supper while I was dicking around on the treader.  Salisbury steak with cauliflower mash and mushroom gravy.  Looks like meat and potatoes, is really meat and veg.  

It's better every time he makes it.

Then I hustled down to DePere for hot yoga.  My hips really needed the stretch, but my hair always looks ridiculous after all that sweating, and let me tell you...I smell fantastic.

Sexy.

Hustled home, hugged the kids, helped fantastic husband wash the dog (THAT WAS SO FUN), update the blog...and now it's time to wash, get dressed, and head back to the salt mine.

Good thing I already packed my lunch.

Maybe tomorrow I'll just sleep and knit socks.

Blogging 2015: 55 down, 1960 to go

Last night was one of those nights.  Short staffed, not super busy, but weird crap all night long.  I indulged in a handful of these to cheer myself up.

And they were delicious.

But then they got cold so I tossed the rest.  I ran around a bit for a couple of hours, IVs, stock outs, phone calls.  Didn't get my "lunch" until closer to 1:30.  

Leftovers again.

I only ate about half of it.  I just wasn't feeling it. So I poked around online for some clip art to jazz up a presentation, read some CE, and attempted to start reviewing for my CNSC re-up.  It's not until next year, but it's a lot of material.  That was a pretty huge snooze fest.  So I ate some pineapple.

My only regret is I didn't have more.

Today was an overlap day with fantastic husband, so he dropped the kids off at the hospital and I set them up with cartoons while I finished my shift.  When I was done we went down to the cafeteria and had breakfast.  I was straight up starving by that point, because for some reason I didn't make my protein shake.  Oh well, it's in the fridge for tomorrow.

BACON!

The bacon was perfect this morning.  Melt in your mouth crispy.  Ham & cheese omelet, fruit, and coffee rounded out my breakfast.  Whenever we eat in the cafeteria, the kids always pester me for donuts.  Because we only do this once or twice a month, I usually get one for them to split.  Today I got myself one as well, because this is a custard filled long john from Uncle Mike's and it is my fucking favorite.

I regret nothing.

And that's pretty much it.  That's all I ate today.  In my defense I was full to the point of discomfort when we got home.  Since it was 40 degrees warmer than yesterday I suited up the kids and the dog and we went for a walk right away.  2 miles.  It was so fucking beautiful outside.  The fact that I didn't get to go for a super long run today makes me grumpy.  Lack of sleep is also making me grumpy.  BUT, we got the 2 miles and some fresh air so it wasn't a total loss.  I don't have a picture of the walk because I forgot my phone.  It would've just been a picture of adorable children with rosy cheeks and expressions of whining displeasure on their faces.

During the walk we had this conversation:

Spawn: Someone cut down a tree!

Me: Yup, that's a Christmas tree.  People with real trees take them out to the curb after Christmas.

Spawn: But why did they cut it down?

Me: Well, it's kind of hard to grow a pine tree indoors, so they're grown on tree farms and cut down for Christmas.  Then they plant new ones.  There's a tree farm on the hilltop, remember?

Spawn:  There's a TREE FARM?  On the hill?  Can we go up the hill?

Me: Not today, you'll just whine that you're tired.

Spawn: No.  I'm never tired.

Me:  Right.  

Of note, we had this conversation every time we encountered a Christmas tree on the curb. This exact conversation. Since the whole neighborhood took their trees down this week, I think I repeated myself about 15 times.  In two miles.   I was starting to think I was having a stroke.

Then, when we were about 400m from home, this gem:

Spawn: Mommy, my legs are so tired. 

Other spawn (with tears and the whole nine): Mommy, I want to go home, I'm so tired. 

Still other spawn: Mom, how much further are we going to go?  I'm tired.

None of them understood why I started laughing.  Now, you might be thinking What kind of harridan forces her children to Baatan death march 2 miles in the freezing cold?  Well, that would be me.  In my defense, we walk that loop pretty frequently, and it took fully 45 minutes to do it, plus I let them play in the snow.  I am a great parent.

I could've gotten on the treader for a few miles this evening, but I'm pretty tired.  Tomorrow is another day-one that I'll hopefully get more sleep during.  My plan is to sleep for 3 or 4 hours in the morning and then get my miles.  I've got to volunteer at the school tomorrow afternoon, then hopefully sleep a bit more, then go to yoga to loosen up a bit.  

Right now I'm going to kick this chair back and try to doze for a bit before it's time to shower up.  Today is "hump day" and it's all downhill from there.  

Oh, and in a month I'll be learning to surf in Barbados.  I'm pretty sure Barbados isn't ready for this jelly.

Blogging 2015: 53 down, 1962 to go

Another day, another dollar.  Decent night last night, but it was near arctic cold in the pharmacy which is always fun.  I've been wearing my Sherlock cowl nonstop at work, and it works pretty handily to keep me from needing 2 jackets and a warm blanket from the floor.  Next time I'm going to knit a friggin' poncho so I can basically work wearing my pajamas and a blanket.  I live a stretchy pants and blanket wearing kind of life.

Started at midnight with my lunch.  Hot food is essential working overnight.  A salad or a sandwich just doesn't do it for me.  I end up feeling cold and unsatisfied and casting around for something else to eat.  My husband has always had this thing where it's not a meal if it's not hot and I sort of dismissed it, because I'm fine with a sandwich or a salad.  During the day.  Not so much at night.

Leftover stroganoff.

I had the last of the raspberries and some mango for my mid-morning snack.  I love mango, but I hate peeling them, so Costco's handy precut mangoes are a favorite.

Sweet like candy.

 Around 5 I went in for a little jerky and the omnipresent orange.  I'm almost out of oranges.  I'll probably starve to death.

Last of the jerky.  Tear.

7am post-work/pre-sleep protein shake.  Chocolate today.

Mmmmmm.

Came home and opted to go right to sleep again as after scraping the ice off my car I couldn't feel my hands or feet and crawling under a comforter sounded like a great idea.  Got 6 and a half solid hours of sleep. Winning.  When I woke up, I grabbed a snack and got on the treadmill.

Look familiar?

I only did 4 miles today, nice and easy.  Tomorrow is an awake day and I don't want to be completely worn out when I go to work tonight.  In fact, I might go try to grab a couple hours sleep before going in.  My hair is driving me absolutely bonkers right now.  Too long to not put back, too short for a ponytail.  I must resist the urge to shave my head.  I have a pointy skull...it wouldn't be a good look.

I didn't put on make-up to get on the treader.  

This is yesterday's make-up that I couldn't be bothered to remove.

Fantastic husband made chowder for dinner.  Sweet potato chicken jalapeno chowder.  I have no idea where he got the recipe, sorry.  I just ate, I didn't ask questions.  It was tasty, spicy, and filling.  

Also it needed salt.

This Patriots/Ravens game has been pretty interesting.  I'm debating staying up to watch the end.  

Fuck it.  I'm going to sleep.  

Blogging 2015: 49 down, 1966 to go

Whew.  That 0.5 miles has been bugging me for days.

So last night I finished up my pity party with some cake, because what's a party without cake.  In reality, my tech was given a piece by one of the unit nurses (baby shower cake) and she split it in half and gave some to me.  It was before midnight, and I'd given myself until midnight to wallow so what the hell.  It was a monstrous huge piece.  I mean, just look at it.

Monstrous cake.

The practice I've found most successful for overnight eating is to have dinner at midnight (a small portion) and then a snack of some type every couple hours after that.  If I eat too much at one time on the night shift I get wicked heartburn.  Last night was leftover Pad Thai for my midnight "lunch".

Always better the second day.

I had some raspberries for desert.  Uhhh...there were raspberries in here, honest.

They were good?

At about 3am I dug out my next snack.  An orange (what a huge surprise!) and some pecans.  This is a pretty satisfying snack.  I'd recommend it.  Like my hospital cup of water?  I drank ice water all night along with my tea and froze my fucking ass off.  This is the problem I have with winter hydration.  I'm thirsty, because the heat is on and everything is dry as shit, but if I drink ice water I get so cold my teeth chatter.  First world problems, yo.

ORANGES!  ALL THE ORANGES!

5am is I had some quinoa breakfast mush.  Just a little bit with some honey.  It helped soothe my freezing soul.

My tech's comment "It smells like pie!"

I usually bring 12oz of unsweetened almond milk and a packet of protein powder for contingencies.  I figure it's better than raiding the cupboards in the snack room.  Some nights I drink it, some nights I don't.  I drank this one on my way home because I was feeling a little growly.  I have also found that I can't eat much before going to sleep because heartburn.  Heartburn is bullshit.  I've never had it in my life except when heavily pregnant, but it pops up during the overnights if I don't watch myself.  Then I end up drinking Maalox like a beverage.  I'll give you a pharmacist tip:  Maalox is a shitty beverage. 

White Chocolate Peppermint protein shake.  

My goal is to get on the treadmill before going to bed, but since I didn't sleep on Thursday at all I'd been awake for 26ish hours by the time I got home.  There was no bloody way I was getting on the treader like that.  I've been known to fall asleep on the treadmill.  That's a true story.  I was about 15 weeks post-partum with the boys and I was working out after second shift at the hospital gym.  I was on the treadmill, about 4 miles into a 6 mile workout, it was about 11:30pm, and I'd become so transfixed on a point in front of me that I fell asleep.  While running.  It's fortunate that I snapped to and was able to recover my balance...I don't wear that safety key thing.  Safety keys are for pussies.  I live on the edge, bitches.

Anyway, I went straight to bed and had 6 hours of total restorative sleep.  I don't think I even moved.  I'd set my alarm for 2:30pm and when it went off, I just got up.  That rarely happens.  I also got on Torvald the Treader and did SIX POINT FIVE MOTHERFUCKING MILES.  It's not a record, my treadmill longest is 8.5 I think, but I didn't want to jump off a bridge the whole time today.  I actually felt pretty damn good.  

I had an orange and a small handful of pecans before getting on the treader.  I seem to have lost the picture.  

Before.

After.

I love the treadmill calorie counter.  Does anyone actually believe that crock of shit?  With no heartrate, no weight information, no age/gender questions, the treadmill magically determined I burned 961 calories.  HA.

Fantastic husband made some kind of ranch chili whatsits for dinner.  We had it over sweet potatoes.  It was pretty damn good.  Spicyish.  The potato was good post-workout fuel, since I finished about 20 minutes before dinner.  

Giddyup!

I can't believe it.  I slept great, I got my workout in, and I didn't eat all the things.  I win. Now I've got a couple of hours to relax before it's time to shower up and head to the salt mine.  Sweet.  Last night was busy enough to keep me going strong, which was helpful in staving off total exhaustion.  Hopefully tonight will be another good one.

I may have also agreed to give the pharmacists a presentation on Pediatric Advanced Life Support (PALS). My cert just expired and I need to renew it, but in the meantime I guess I get to review extra hard while I get ready to present.  This means I have to go to the hospital in the daytime.  Crazy.  Fortunately I don't have to do it until March.  Plenty of time to procrastinate.

Weekly goal recap:

Crossfit two days. Achieved.

Yoga two days. Achieved.

Run every day. Achieved.

I am ON FIRE.

Blogging 2015: 42.5 down, 1972.5 to go

I started today in an avalanche of self hatred, and I'm going to finish it (well, not finish it, because I still have to go to work tonight) in a huff.  Sneaky hate spiral achieved.

I had a great week this last week, feeling very body positive, lots of endorphins coursing through my veins and plenty of good clean food giving me energy to burn.  Then I got on the scale.  That was a huge mistake.   I've been consciously avoiding it because that number can make or break me for the day...sometimes for the week.  But the damn thing calls to me "We've been soooo gooooood, Preciousssss, eating like good little Hobbitses, doing our exercisssssessssss.  Sssstep on the scale, Precioussssss, it will be ssssuch good newsesss." So this morning I thought "I'll just hop on and get an idea!  It doesn't really matter at all!"

And then I got on.  And the number was an unhappy one.  171.  One hundred and seventy one goddamn fucking pounds. How the FUCK does that even happen?  How the FUCK to you gain 4 pounds in a week of perfect fucking behavior?  And where the FUCK do I get a box of donuts to cram into my face since NONE OF THIS FUCKING MATTERS AT ALL SO I MIGHT AS WELL EAT A CHEESECAKE.

I should never get on the scale, ever.  It's bullshit, and even though academically I know it's bullshit, I'm still a female American.  This means I'm still bombarded on a daily basis by images of super slender women and weight loss product ads and fad diets.  I still bemoan the fact that my big man legs won't fit in the currently fashionable boots/jeans combo.  I still fantasize about a day when my thighs won't touch (newsflash: they always will).  Part of me says "Keep fighting!  You can achieve a size 6!  You've done it before!" and part of me says "Just accept your fat-assedness!  Have a pizza!" because why does any of it matter.

Oh, and the whole "go by how your clothes fit" doesn't work for me.  My entire wardrobe consists of elastic waist pants.  That shit always fits.

Asshole.

But I didn't eat a box of donuts.  I ate this instead.

Small portions. 

Then I did laundry and cleaned the floors because that is my life.  Servitude to a bunch of ungrateful little vultures.

Lunch with children who have been begging for the leftover pizza for days, but felt the need to bitch and complain about it today, the day I finally served it to them.  I had a Scotch egg and some peppers and guac because they were there and I hate myself.

Meh.

Then I took the ungrateful vultures to 4K, came home and got on the treadmill for 4 miles.  I don't know why.  It's not like it helps.

Look at my jacked up hair.  I have winter hats to thank.

Then I came upstairs and knitted a sock because my feet are always the same size, no matter how much of a fatass I am.

I ate a snack. 

I swear I'm going to eat all 13# of these things.

And then another.

Jerky.

And then another, because sneaky hate spiral.

Pecans. 

Picked the kids up at school in the driving snow, walked them back so I could give them a snack they would bitch endlessly about.  Then I folded some laundry and put the finishing touches on the dinner the ungrateful vultures would refuse to eat.  So I ate their portions, because I wasn't about to throw it away.  So this isn't paleo.  It's Wildtree slow cooker beef stroganoff with whole wheat noodles, and it was quite good.  The kids whined about their peas and oranges and I tuned them out.

This was from a kid focused Wildtree workshop.  Fail.

So now I'm blogging in the living room while the demon spawn run around like a bunch of goddamn zoo animals because I refused to let them play in the basement playroom and watch cartoons.  I'm punishing them for behaving so poorly at the dinner table.  In reality I'm only punishing myself.  I haven't slept, I have to go to work in 2 and a half hours, and I still want to eat a box of fucking donuts.  I packed myself a healthy lunch and snacks for work, and I'll be getting my miles in the morning when I get home come hell or high water.  

So today was a big giant pity party.  I'm going to let myself wallow until midnight, and then I'm done.  The sneaky hate spiral can be very satisfying, but if you don't break out of it quickly it really fucks up your life.  I don't need that. Tomorrow it's back to striving toward the impossible goal. Tomorrow the scale gets hidden in a closet. Tomorrow it's back to trying to accept myself for what I am.  

Why is that so hard?

Oh, and the Sneaky Hate Spiral isn't my thing.  I borrowed it.  Please go read the original.

Blogging 2015: 38.5 down, 1976.5 to go

Today started early with a trip to the box at Oh-Dark-Thirty (okay, it was 0430 for 0515 class), but it was pretty dark.  Today was mobility day so we did a running-clock workout with plenty of cardio and bodyweight exercises.  And smashing.  Smashing is the same principle as foam rolling, only it involves a partner and lots of screaming.  Well, if you're me it involves lots of screaming.  Yesterday I covered 10 miles, so my legs were...shall we say...sore.  Now lay me down on the floor with an abmat under my knee and have a small (but mighty) person drive her sharp little toes and heels into my quads.  I screamed like a child.  I gave birth to twins without the benefit of an epidural.  I rated that a 6 out of 10.  Smashing is easily an 8.  We also did lat smashing (a different, but equally sharp toed small-and-mighty type person), and some self inflicted pain in the form of thoracic smashing in which you lie on a pair of lacrosse balls and press the narrow edge of a 25 pound plate into your sternum.  I squeaked during the lat smashing...thoracic wasn't as bad but laughing while holding a 25 pound plate balanced on your bra line is ill advised.

Here's a picture from CF.  It's my 1RM (One Rep Max) for several lifts.  Not big numbers, but they go up bit by bit for the most part.

Hey, it's a fuckload more than I could lift 2 years ago.

On the way to the box I had an orange.  See?

Orangey.

When I got home after the WOD I had some of my quinoa stuff from the other day with a splash of almond milk and a drizzle of maple syrup.

Mmmmm....MUSH.

Then I sat on my ass and finished my coffee for a bit.  Husband went to CME and I got on the treadmill for 4 easy miles.  I was trying to get a shot with both my totally make-up free, slightly salty face and the scene on the treadmill screen behind me.  It's a beach.  What I ended up with was a pretty overt down-the-shirt shot. Ummm...I'm either sorry or you're welcome.  You pick.

I need some eyebrows.  Damn my mother's genes.

Then I hopped off the treader, pulled on my sweats and went to core focus yoga.  On the way I ate an orange.  See previous photo of orange.  Laurel came up with some new evil exercises to challenge us, I'm sure sneezing will be fun tomorrow.  On the upside, my balance is clearly improving.  I was able to balance on a block and transition from Warrior 3 to standing weighted crunches to tree and back into a lunge without falling over.  On my left side even!  I mean, I fell over during class, but not during that sequence.  I skipped a lot of the chaturangas today after yesterday's shoulder beating and this morning's pull-ups and push-ups.  I got stuck on the blocks doing chaturanga push-ups.  That shit is embarrassing.  HOWEVER.  I did not fart in downward dog and that is made of win.

No sweaty selfie, but you can see my fucked up toes.

I got home around noon and was really hungry, so I made breakfast for lunch.  Eggs, bacon, mango, and two paleo pancakes made into a sandwich with Sunbutter.  Let me tell you, that was fucking delightful. I put some cheese into the eggs which is a paleo no-no, but since I really wanted to buy a wheel of triple cream brie and just smash it into my face I'm going to call this a win.

Gotta have some bacon.  It's the law.

Then I decided I should maybe just sit down for a minute.  So I did.  I watched some DVRd Daily Show and worked on my sock.  I also enjoyed a handful of maple vanilla walnuts.  I did not share with this needy ass dog.

NO. MINE.

Finished up my left sock.

Now I have to make the right one.  What a pain in the ass.

Had another snack because I am a fucking Hobbit.

EAT ALL THE ORANGES!!

Fantastic husband made one of my all time favorites.  Paleo Pad Thai from Well Fed.  Sweet chocolate Christ this shit is good.  It is a party in my mouth.  And there's leftovers!  Yay!

Extra spicy.

So that was my day.  A little less mileage, but after yesterday I figured a dial back was in order.  Tomorrow I go back to work, so the only exercise I do is likely to be my run while the kids are at school.  If I'm a very lucky girl I'll get a nap.  Now the challenge is to transition my schedule and still keep up my mileage.  I'm planning to do my runs as soon as I get home before going to sleep so that it's out of the way.  If we could get some non-deadly temps that would help quite a bit, but if I end up bonding with Torvald the Treader then so be it.  I'm going to cover these miles, one way or another.