Anyway, my point is that it's been boring as shit in the hospital for the last few nights. Which is fine, but it makes for loooooooong nights.
Last night I listened to internet radio and did some CE on pediatric neurology. Interesting stuff, that. Definitely more interesting than biostatistics. I feel like statistical analysis is witchcraft. You can make numbers mean literally anything if you tweak your hypothesis in the right direction. I sometimes wonder if study designers are just yanking our collective chain. Just give me the bottom line and lets skip the fancy pants math, mkay? I'm not interested in your p-value unless you can make that shit relevant for me.
I once again drank too much coffee, so I pretty much just had some hard boiled eggs and melon around 3am. Too much honeydew. I hate that shit. No picture of my sad fruit.
Came home early to get the smalls squared away for school, and since they were having waffles I decided to have them. With bananas! NOM!
Banana was an afterthought. A good one.
Then I got home and there was a voicemail from Foot Locker wanting clarification on payment for $411 worth of gear. I didn't order anything from Foot Locker. So I called them, got the order stopped, called the police and filed a report, called the bank to cancel my debit card, and then it was 9am and kind of past my bedtime. I did manage to turn on the fan of death and sleep like a corpse for 6 hours, so that's a win.
Upon waking I swiped some meat cookies.
The dog really wants these. A lot.
Then I read for a while and helped the girl child with her homework here and there, while fantastic husband made dinner. I felt a little guilty since I did quite literally nothing during this time frame. Not guilty enough to get up and help, but kind of guilty.
Meat and veg.
I grabbed some desert.
Wine and dried cherries.
Now I'm enjoying my beverage and watching Wheel. Because I am old. T-minus 2 shifts to vacation, and tomorrow morning I'm going to hit a yoga class before I go to sleep. Mostly because fantastic husband has to do something stupid for work that might happen or might not but I can't bank on not or I'll miss my evening class. Also I might WOD at 1615...we'll see if I'm awake.
Today's affirmation was
I am enough.
Goes along with that guilty feeling for not doing more after I woke up today. I often feel like I'm not enough. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not ambitious enough...you get the idea. I think that's a pretty common thing for women. We seem to think that unless you are accomplishing everything then you are accomplishing nothing. Unless we graduated summa cum laude and stepped right into a high level job making great money, found Mr. Right, popped out 2.5 perfect kids, dropped right back into a size 4, maintain a perfect tan, and manage to create gourmet meals in our sparkling kitchens before heading out to run in full make-up and head-to-toe lululemon without sweating...then we somehow suck.
Well I'll tell you what I accomplished today: I thwarted fraud, motherfuckers. I brushed my teeth like a boss. I moved the pile of clean laundry from the bed to the chair. I am winning.
I fight my baser nature on a day-to-day basis. If I could sit stationary in a chair with my feet up, a cup of coffee, a bag of cookies, and a suitcase full of yarn? I would never move. My ass would graft to the chair. But I don't. I feed the kids mostly okay food, I wash their mostly fitting clothes, I clean their dirty little bodies and kiss boo-boos and read horribly written stories (OMG WHO came up with Ninjago and HOW can I find him and scramble his brain?!?). I shower and get dressed and go to work. I go to the gym and chit chat with my friends and sometimes squat. I fall asleep in savasana. I pay the bills. And you know what? That is enough. I am enough.
The Swedish have a word "lagom" which means just enough (roughly, it's more of a concept). It's the idea of having just what you need. "Enough is as good as a feast" is another rough translation. It's a good concept, it appeals to me. We spend too much time trying to have more, to be more. It's stressful. I don't want to do it anymore.
I am me, and I am enough.
And you know what, my friend? So are you.