Saturday, October 10, 2015

Blogging 2015: 805 down, 1210 to go (Lurong Days 26&27)

Yesterday was busy. Got the kids up and fed and fantastic husband walked them to school. The boys were all about being left on their own from the edge of the school yard. Mommy's independent little men. I'm so happy they feel confident enough to walk on their own. If it weren't for one busy street with inattentive drivers between here and school, I'd let them walk it without us. They're just a teeny bit too young for that, though.

Friday is popcorn day at school -50 cents for a bag. Sometimes we give them money, sometimes not. They were pretty well behaved for me on Thursday (in my exhausted state), so I said to fantastic husband:

"Should we give them coinage for exploded grain?"

Vague, right? No spelling, because the girl child can spell pretty well. So C spits out:

"Yeah, Dad! Can we have money for popcorn?"

Now, he might have inferred it from context, but I sort of feel like it's my fault for correcting them every time they refer to corn as a vegetable.

Anyway, they were off to school and I made breakfast.

Standard noms.

Then I went to CrossFit, where we did all the squats and some rowing. I slammed a FitAid and mashed a banana into my face right after, because I was on the way to 50/50 yoga/barre.  I was already pretty disgusting at this point, but a barre class put me into a new category of yuck. Then I chomped down an apple.

Still in the yoga studio.

Because after barre I took a hot flow class. The soundtrack was hilarious. Beyonce, Fergie, Taylor Swift. I love doing yoga to "non-yoga" music. Pretty sure I looked silly dancing in downward dog. Whatever. I was full on disgusting at this point. Side note: my new Ex Officio workout unders were extra fabulous. No chafing, bunching, or weird lines. Also not visible through my checkered pants, but they were a light color. More vetting is needed.

After yoga I headed home and fantastic husband and I took the dog for a walk. It was a gorgeous afternoon, so we did 3ish miles and then dropped the dog off so we could go pick up the kids. I sort of forgot to eat lunch. Well, not forgot so much as decided that eating lunch at 3pm when dinner is at 5 was a little off.

We had breakfast for dinner by request of the smalls. They had some leftover pancakes from earlier in the week, eggs, bacon, fruit, and cinnamon toast. I had eggs and bacon.

I eat a lot of eggs.

We then braved a family trip to the roller rink on the suggestion of a CF friend who is also a Roller Derby aficionado. I haven't been on roller skates since third grade, and the kids have never been, so we were casting bets on who would end up in a...well...cast.  Strangely enough, skating came back to me pretty easily. The kids all did reasonably well, and no one damaged themselves. Win-win-win. It was really fun, and I'm pretty sure we'll go again, especially since the kids all slept like the dead and didn't wake up until after 7am on a Saturday. If you're a parent, you get my enthusiasm. If you're not, just let me tell you that staying in bed past 7am ever is like winning the motherfucking lottery.

Since we were up late, we missed CF this morning, so I had a late breakfast in preparation for 10am flow.

Look familiar?

I splurged on a couple of lululemon workout tops and a pair of red pants. They all fit fantastically well, and I decided to see if I could do yoga in a tank with a built in bra. Ever since I was *ahem* enhanced, I've needed a pretty sturdy sports bra for running, etc. But yoga is low impact, and I hate taking hot yoga wearing 2 industrial layers, so I thought "What the hell" and went for it.

That's right. I'm not wearing a bra. Technically.

I also wore my new purple-and-lime-green unders. I couldn't see them through these pants, and I had fantastic husband check as well. He assured me that they were not visible. And he checked really well. Maybe a little too well. I made it through class without dumping the goods all over the floor, so I'm calling this shirt a winner. I had a really good class today (I guess I should be saying "practice", but it feels weird) and felt really strong. I also managed Bird of Paradise on both sides and that was pretty awesome for me. A first. 

We just tossed some burgers and sweet potato fries on for lunch today, because we wanted to get out to the pitch.

Sriracha mayo on sweet tater fries is heaven. 

Because Saturday is a rugby day!!

You bet your ass I had a beer. It's rugby. That shit is in the rules.

Tonight's dinner will be leftovers, nothing too exciting, and I have a feeling It'll be an early night. I'm tired. 

Today's affirmation is:

I will accept compliments graciously.

I am shit at taking compliments. Part of that is my upbringing. Achieve excellence, but don't talk about it. Be the absolute best at everything, but don't bring it up, and don't be too proud of yourself. I'm the worst at self evaluation. I mark myself as "competent" at everything, but basically refuse to give myself a rating of "excellent" at anything. In my mind, the way I do my job is how it should be done. That makes me competent. Not excellent. My bosses are always harping on me to rate myself higher, and I tell them that doing so makes me profoundly uncomfortable. It's only recently that I've been able to say to myself, much less to others "I am good at what I do". 

This extends to taking compliments on my appearance or performance. Last year at the Ice Bowl, I sang along to the National Anthem and someone near me said "Wow! You have a great voice! You should totally sing that next year!" and my response was "I'm too rusty, that's probably a bad idea."  It's worse if someone compliments my looks. "Your hair looks nice" "I combed it today". "You look great" "Nah, I've got a long way to go." "You have pretty eyes" "Cosmetics are a wonderful thing!" I've even laughed off compliments on my writing style for this fucking blog. Why can't I just say "Thank-you" without having to qualify it?

Yesterday two people attempted to compliment me and I totally snapped at them. That isn't fair. Whenever my husband pays me a compliment I come back with "You have to say that". He always says "No, I get to say it. I don't have to say anything."  For some reason whenever I'm paid a compliment, I feel like I'm being made fun of, so I respond defensively...with humor or sarcasm...or anger. Maybe because I've had so many negative things said about my appearance in the past. 

That could be it. I had a similar phenomenon happen when I worked retail pharmacy. I had so many negative interactions with people. They yelled about copays, insulted me or my staff, swore and behaved abusively. That stuff just rolled off me, I've built up an impressive suit of armor over the years. But if someone said something nice to me? I didn't know where to go with that. Sometimes the nice things people said would bring me to the brink of tears. So I would say something like "I'm just doing my job", or "I'm here to help when I can" to deflect.

New plan. I'm going to hand compliments out like candy. Everyone has something about them that deserves praise. Including me. So if you offer me a compliment, I'm going to say "Thank-you" and move on. Like a fucking lady. 

Hey, you! Out there in readerland. You look fantastic. Get down with your bad self.

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