Thursday, October 8, 2015

Blogging 2015: 802 down, 1213 to go (Lurong Days 24&25)

I'm on vacation!  I don't have to go back to work until next month. I wonder if this is what being independently wealthy feels like. Except without, you know, money.

The last 2 nights were more of the same. Dullsville. And that was a-okay, although the last two hours of my shift this morning were excruciating. I was impossibly giddy, and hopped up on waaaaaaay too much caffeine. No heartburn last night, though, so the universe smiled on me in that regard.

Yesterday (Wednesday was yesterday, right? Right.) I went to yoga at 0830, so basically right after work. It was a challenging class, lots of long lunges and twisty-bendy stuff. I fell asleep in savasana.  Fell asleep to the point where I didn't hear the instructor give the word to come out of it. I heard "Namaste", opened my eyes and said "Shit, I fell asleep." Because I am spiritual. I rule at corpse pose. I am the corpsey-est corpse around.

I'm going to have to start setting a different intention before each practice. Historically my intention is "Don't fart in downward dog." I may have to amend that to "Don't become an actual corpse."

After my class/nap, I came home and set up dinner in the crockpot. Then I went to bed. I turned on the fan of death and fell into the pillows. I think I was out before I made contact. Lots of odd dreams yesterday. Not bad, just...odd.  I slept until 5:30. It was awesome. Sleeping later before my final shift of the week makes staying up all day easier, and then I just go to bed early my first night off and voila. Back in the land of the living.

Dinner was Hawaiian meatballs. I opted not to make actual meatballs since we were serving on lettuce cups. This dish was okay. Not awesome, not terrible. I don't know that I need to make it again. Fantastic husband thinks if we made it with meatballs in a skillet vs. the crockpot it would be better. Maybe one day.


Last night was another dull one. I did a little more CE, answered a bunch of phone calls, and processed a bunch of standard orders. At midnight I had my dinner.

Fish 'n veg.

Around 7am I had an apple because I was starving, but I can't eat a lone apple or I get ravenously hungry. It's weird, but it's a thing. Google it.

Came home and had another round of waffles 'n nanas. This is fucking delightful. Honestly though it's not enough protein to fuel a workout.  By the end of Barre I was starving.

Hello, beautiful.

I took my usual Thursday morning Barre class, and I actually made it through the whole thing without feeling like my quads were going to ignite. I was hurting, but aside from a couple of Wait, WTF am I doing with my feet? moments I made it through. Planks and planks and planks!

Costco was mostly deserted today as it was raining sloths and hippos. I flapped around the produce department and dairy case and headed home with my treasures. Then I parked myself in a chair for a bit. I was going to get a flu shot, but it was pouring and I had no desire to get out of my car and slog through the hospital parking lot. I'll go next week. No biggie. I did call my tattoo artist about my calf piece. He has time this weekend to draw, so I could be in the chair as early as next week! I'm so excited!

I baked a few cookies for the smalls and went to retrieve them from school. The boys went on a field trip on the first to an apple orchard. They apparently picked apples and pumpkins. They painted the pumpkins at school this week, and today was the day they got to bring them home.  Both boys were excited to tell me how heavy their backpacks were, then proceeded to ditch them at my feet to go play. Once the girl child exited the school building I started walking away from their bags. C was alarmed "Mommy! You forgot our bags!"  I said "I didn't forget anything. Those are your bags, you carry them. Mommy is not a pack mule." 

He was quite the little thundercloud all the way home. 

He can make that face for hours. 

I was super excited to see what was in the mailbox when we got home from school. My new workout underpants! I'm going to put these babies through their paces tomorrow and issue a verdict. Early signs are encouraging...the fit is perfect and the fabric seems promising.

Pretty colors!

Did a little math and spelling with L after school, and miraculously she finished everything well in advance of dinner. This makes me wonder if she actually wrote down all of her assignments. I guess we'll find out tomorrow. She aced my little spelling quiz, though. -ight words FTW. 

Dinner was apple bacon bbq chicken. Cooked in the crockpot and finished under the broiler for crispy bacon. This was pretty good. The kids loved it. I had it with some mashed sweet taters.

I should've had some veg.

Transition days when fantastic husband is working can be pretty rough. By 6pm I'm often pretty draggy and I tend to get snippy at the kids much faster than usual. Not much I can do about the tiredness, it comes with the territory. To deal with the snippy this evening, I filled up our jetted tub and put a cartoon movie on for the kids. Then I poured a glass of wine and fired up my internet radio playlist and sank into hot water up to my neck. It was fucking glorious. I even read a book for a bit. I was afraid to close my eyes because I didn't want to fall asleep and drown (see above intention about not becoming an actual corpse). 

Where are the kids? I dunno...around.

The October challenge continues with today's affirmation:

My failings do not make me a failure.

I am made of failings. I'm cold, sarcastic, impatient, and overly analytical. I've been accused of being cruel, emotionless, insensitive, and arrogant. More than one person has called me hard. I have been all those things. I'm also confrontational and have poor impulse control when my anger reaches the breaking point. I medicate myself with food and isolation when I feel overwhelmed. 

But I work on these things. Writing this blog is a way of reaching out, being less guarded. I'll say anything, I've always been that way, but historically I haven't revealed much of my inner self. I'm working on that. It's okay to let people really see you, at least sometimes. I'm trying to be more patient. Yoga factors into that. I suck at yoga, but I suck waaaaay less now than I did a year ago. It's a process, and I'm being patient. CrossFit has made me more patient, too. Skills I never thought I'd master are creeping into my "stuff I can sort of do" file, and that is an extreme example of patience...I've been working on a lot of these things for more than 3 years. In many ways I hold people to impossible standards, myself included. But people (myself included) aren't perfect...and what a fucking boring world this would be if they were. Letting go of the perfection illusion is imperative. Life is messy, and I can't control it all the time. I shouldn't try. 

I am made of failings, but they don't have to define me. And if I'm willing to recognize and work on them, maybe they aren't insurmountable. I'm not saying I'm ever going to be excited about going to a party (so scary, you guys), but maybe I can peel myself off the wall now and then...or at least talk to the other people hiding behind the potted plants. I am made of failings, but I am not a failure. 

Still no hugs, though. Agreed?

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