Monday, August 22, 2016

Merrily Down the Road or "Go Home, StitchFix, You're Drunk"

Last night was long. Tonight at midnight we officially roll out a new process...which could make tonight even longer. Good thing I ate everything that was not nailed down today. Banging your head on a desk takes a lot of energy and fortitude.

Maybe it won't be so bad. I mean, I just need to rely on other people to do their part of the process and my part will be a piece of proverbial cake. What could possibly go wrong? 

No, it's cool. I'm cool.

Let's start at the beginning. Here's my super-awesome lunch bag packed with all the foodz. Including the carrots I somehow lost yesterday.

The carrots are in the bag, hiding.

I drank 4L of water at work last night. No coffee. I felt it was unwise after putting down two big cups of cold brew Deathwish earlier. FOUR LITERS. I froze my ass off all night, even though I didn't put any ice in the water.

2 of these canteensful is 4L. My pee? It is clear.

Even though I had dinner and three, count them THREE snacks I was still ravenous at 0600. I basically pawed the ground and snorted while waiting for the cafeteria to open. When the cashier said with a slight moan in her voice "Ooohhh, my coffee is working" I was slightly grossed out, but that didn't stop me from cramming bacon into my face pretty much immediately after paying. I'm surprised I made it to the cash register.


Since yesterday wasn't a great sleeping day, I was stupid tired when I got home this morning. I fell into bed and after watching about 8 minutes of Jon Oliver I was off to dreamland. For Eight. Solid. Hours. I woke up too late to go to 415 at the box, so I just headed downstairs for a little 5x5 action. After a cup of Deathwish, of course.

Yeah. That's a 55# squat. Light, but helpful for mobility. 

At first I was peevish about how low the weight is, but it goes up by 5# each workout so it won't be light for long. Bonus is I have more time to focus on my foot position and getting low in the squat. I'm not going to rush this. That gets me nowhere. Today's workout also included benching and barbell rows. 

Benching in my jammies FTW.

Got my new container of chocolate malt whey powder today, so I found the scoop (always an adventure) and treated myself to a chocolate coffee shake.

Which is totally legit supplementation and not at all dessert.

Along with my protein powder, a StitchFix box showed up today. It was full of weirdness. One pair of jeans which fit initially, but are stretchy. This means they will absolutely NOT fit after about 30 minutes of wear. Shame, because the length was great for heels.  There was also this sleeveless turtleneck sweater. I have never understood the sleeveless turtleneck. Am I warm? Am I cold? What season is this for? Also the length and fit on this was weird as slits on the side? Who does this fit?


Every stylist at StitchFix also seems to think I really need a nautical striped sweater. I seriously get one like every other box and I've sent every damn one of them back. I mean, it's okay? But it's just so...ordinary. This is my problem with clothes shopping. I don't know what I want, but it's not anything that exists, apparently. There clearly is nothing between overly embellished and stupidly flashy and "boxy nautical sweater". 

I mean really.

But at least I got this weird scarf thing? Which is red and polka-dotty. I have no objection to that, really, but it's not's just a length of cotton fabric sewn together. What is it for? 

Is it supposed to be warm? WAIT! IS IT FOR A SANDSTORM?
It's totally for a sandstorm.

Perhaps the most perplexing thing in the box was this shirt. It's got a built in tank that is some sort of sateen material and is too short. The shirt itself is a slightly transparent crepe with a gathered neckline. I got stuck in it when I put it on and it would not lay correctly over my shoulders. I tugged it every which way. Awful.


Then I got stuck in it when I tried to take it off. Thank the FSM I was alone, because there was some serious flailing and cursing. I considered just ripping it in half, but then I would've had to pay for it. Remind me to tell the fine people at StitchFix that if it's something I have to put on over my head it needs to be stretchy or have buttons I can undo. This is like the third time I've gotten stuck in something. 

Oh wait. I DID tell them that. TWICE.

So it all goes back. Again. I may order the jeans from Zappos in a smaller size, because I really do like them, but I know after a few hours I'll just be hiking them up and bemoaning the sagging ass of it all.

I'm still gonna use StitchFix, because if nothing else it's good for a laugh, and about every third month I get a box of super cool shit. I should probably pay attention to the stylist's name on the ones I like. Details, details.

Now it's dinner/breakfast time. Eggs with spinach and mushrooms and some fruit. All my boxes are checked for today, motherfuckers. White bikini, here I come. 

So hungry. 

I should probably shower at some point.  More details.

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