Sunday, August 21, 2016

Real Life Made Me A Lush or "Why It's Hard to Quit the Internet"

So I've been offline for just shy of two weeks. Holy shit I had a lot of fun during those two weeks. Holy shit I had a lot of alcohol during those two weeks. As it happens, I am down for in person socializing as long as it involves swimming, kayaking, weightlifting, food, smokes, and vast quantities of beer, wine, and tequila.

Were you looking for me? I'm gonna guess not.

I shut down my social media a couple weeks ago. It was getting noisy. I removed the apps from my phone, deactivated my accounts, and shoved off into the deep still water of disconnectedness. Holy fuck it was beautiful. My phone became a paperweight (no really, it still only recognizes the SIM card half the time). And then I started getting text messages from actual people I hadn't seen IRL for weeks-to-months.

Invitations to like, do shit. In meatspace. With...humans.


My girl Trish and I went to the Dells to Sundara Spa and spent a day getting massages, drinking wine (oh, so much wine), swimming and sunning and talking and eating and spa-ing. Then we spent the night in an ungodly beautiful suite that had two bathrooms. I took a shower on Sunday morning just to use this bad boy.

FSM bless the fine people at Kohler Corp.

This shower had two adjustable height rainshower heads, 8 adjustable height/direction/setting massaging heads, a "personal sprayer" (which is code for "masturbatory device"), and a bench with seats. This is clearly a two-person set up. My main regret with this overnight is not having anyone to fuck in this shower. I love you, Trish, and you're hot as hell...but you're not my type. Sadness.

Also at Sundara the food was great, the staff was nice, the wine was plentiful, and the bed was craaaazy comfortable. It is a "no devices at all period" place. You have Wi-Fi in your room, but no phones or anything else in public areas. No problem for me as my paperweight ( was devoid of anything I'd look at anyway. I even brought (brace yourself) a paperback book. Did you know they still make those? Because they totally do. 
I give you proof.

I got that thing at an actual, physical bookstore. Those are apparently still a thing as well. This is a lovely bit of fluff if you like slightly bitchy, deadly heroins and escapist bullshit with faeries and stuff. It's a collection of novellas. A prequel to the Throne of Glass series which I am currently rereading in anticipation of the release of the 5th book out of 6 on 9/6 (small aside: NEW BOOK EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!) I preordered it. Along with the next Expanse book which will be out in November. GOD I LOVE TO READ.

After my spa weekend I had a day of normal wife-and-mom stuff followed by a day spent golfing and drinking with my beloved husband. We went up to Door County and played a course we haven't played in a while and then went over to the "quiet side" for some food and walking around. I had beers AND ice cream. Solid.

Wednesday I hit up CFGB early and then traveled to Appleton to do arms/shoulders/back with my small and mighty bodybuilder friend Kim. She said I looked jacked. My life is complete. Then we had beers and smokes (gods, I miss smoking...there is nothing like a cigarette after a workout) and went downtown for Mexican food. Also more drinks. I don't see her enough. I will say doing that workout the day before kayaking for multiple hours was maybe not the best idea...but I lived. 

The next day I had a kayaking date with the fabulous Meghan who took me out on the Suamico river. It was beautiful. We saw deer and a blue heron and lots of little fishes. Also a nice sandbar on the Bay where I tried a truly hideous Bud Light product that involved Clamato.

Meghan, I stole your picture. Hope you don't mind.

Then it was off to Anduzzi's guessed it. Beer and food. And loud, inappropriate conversation. I do love a good loud inappropriate conversation. 

I went to yoga with 2 beers in my system (no, I didn't drive drunk, the appropriate time had passed). I got a headstand. In a class. A wobbly-ass, sketchy fucking headstand. It was awesome. Especially considering the totally fried shoulders of it all.

Friday it was back in the salt mine. After the last couple of weeks of partial debauchery and somewhat lazy eating I've recommitted to my Nutritional Healing program. 

Oh, hai, balanced eating.'ve you been?

Now, I've been working out pretty hard and I haven't been eating all bullshit. I haven't backslid in that my weight and measurements have been stable...but I have had some heartburn (go figure) and I'm not as energetic. We're gonna fix that. First stop? Costco. It didn't even rain until after I packed the car. It was kismet. 

Yeah, buddy.

So the fridge got cleaned out, food prepped for the next week or so, and I made my lunch for the overnight so I could start fresh.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

These were in the breakroom.


But I was strong. I also drank 3L of water overnight and froze my ass off as a result. I have been seriously lacking in the hydration department, but I've been increasing my water consumption over the last week or so and I'm back up to nearly 4L.  Dinner tonight was simple.

So basic.

Overall, I had a great day food wise.

Oh, I forgot the extra veg with dinner. Ah well.
Look how check-boxy!

I didn't get the greatest sleep today (hubs at work, house full of brats), but it could have been worse. It's a rest day so I'm treating myself to some reading and knitting. My year-long afghan color arrived a few days ago. It's "my" colorway as it is Virgo time. I hate the color. It is drab. I get it, Virgo is an earth sign...but come on. I couldn't get forest green? Hell, I'd have taken a golden brown over this one. I'm not drab! I'm dull, but not drab!


I have stayed true to my pledge to boycott Starbucks. Not a single drop consumed or a single penny spent. I have been consuming entirely too much coffee in the form of cold brew Deathwish. Do you ever drink enough coffee to kill a lesser person...and then wonder if you'll ever sleep again? 

Because I do.

I have also decided it's time to squat again. Not that I haven't been squatting at all, but I've been avoiding going heavy. I'm going to try 5x5ing it this time, starting low and going a good pharmacist should. I'm going to focus on good form and being honest with myself. So far it's felt pretty good.

I'm back on social media for the moment. I'll be avoiding Facebook as the political posts are becoming too much for me. I'm not averse to expressing my opinion, and I don't care who knows that I'm a godless bleeding heart pinko commie, but the memes and misinformation are becoming more than I can stand. This blog will be starting back up, though, and I'll post it to FB for you (because I'm sure you're sooper interested). 

My birthday is a week from Wednesday. I'll be 39. You know, the age everyone says they are when they're really 45? I'm back on the nutrition wagon and am going to be working towards improving my overall bodaciousness prior to hitting the beach in Hawai'i this October. I even ordered myself a new custom bikini from Savage Swim. My incentive to work on my 39 year old "ass"ets. 

Lunch is prepped for overnight. I still need to wash the smalls (they are disgusting) and myself (not as disgusting). There's time though.

First I gotta finish this Deathwish....

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