I went to the box this morning for yesterday's workout. It was kind of horrible. And I scaled the weight way down. I was feeling shaky by the middle of it, so it's good that I did. I have to remind myself that I'm not competing against anyone at the box. There's a time for that, it's called the Open, and it's not Open season right now. I'm going to focus on getting a workout that's hard enough for me to feel like I'm working but not so hard that it leaves me useless for days. Scaling is what I do.
I don't have a lot of ego when it comes to CrossFit. My PRs are some of the lightest on the board, but they are mine. Athleticism is a new thing for me on my little life calendar. I've been running for 7 years now and CFing for about 2. There are still many things I can't do without assistance (bands, mats, lighter weights) but if you'd asked 30 year old me if she would like to go to CF she's have laughed right in your face. Same with running. If you'd told me that I would not only enjoy running but have something like 15 half marathons, 2 full marathons, 6 Ragnars, an Ultra, and assorted other distances to my credit I would've told you I only run when being chased. I worked out for one reason and one reason only: To get skinny. It's all I ever wanted. It was my only goal.
How sick is that? I didn't care about being healthy. I didn't care about being fit in a useful way (I can carry my own boxes, change my own tires, use my own two feet and/or a bicycle to transport myself any damn place) I just wanted to be thin. Specifically a size 4. I got there. I wish I could find the pictures. I looked fucking ill. I lived on diet sodas, frozen dinners, and air.
So now I'm porkier. Granted my body composition is much better than in days of yore, but I ain't no size 4 and I never will be again. I wrestle with sugar addiction and my innate tendency to overeat. It's a struggle. It's such a stupid first world problem, but it is a problem. My goals are different now. Would I like to get my waist measurement below 30 inches? Yup. (Seriously. WHY does that tape measure always show 30.25?!?) Would I like to have visible abs? Yup, I've done enough goddamn core work. But my overall goal is just to feel good, to be healthier so I can enjoy my life for as long as possible. It's working. I take zero medications, no vitamins, no supplements. I am coming up on 37 years old and I feel good every day. Every day. How many people can say that? If I keep walking this road will I be 70 years old and still medication free, hopping out of bed at dawn for a run or a round of golf? Why the fuck not?
When my kids go off to college I'm planning a second go at youth. It's gonna be fucking fantastic.
So. Day 4. Leftover day because I wasn't feeling like making soup. No biggie, I'll make it tomorrow when I have a little more time. That will also leave me with more soup leftovers for the weekend at work. Hot food is a blessing in that arctic zone we call a pharmacy.
This morning I had leftover carrot and apple hash. My husband tried it this morning, too. He suggested I have it with a runny egg. That was one boffo suggestion, because this was fantastic. Never hurts to put down a little more protein, either.
After my horrible WOD I got a text from a friend that lives right in that area and I went over to have tea and shoot the breeze. And sweat on her kitchen counter. I was there for a couple of hours, until I had to get home and let the dog out. By that time I was too hungry to make anything new for lunch, so I went for some crustless quiche and spinach. I can't overstate how delicious this is. Even better a day or two later once the onions have a chance to seduce the eggs into fabulousness.
And maple roasted coffee. Because MAPLE.
I snarfed a couple of carrots down this afternoon before taking the boys to their first yoga class. They had an awesome time. They were the only little boys in a room full of little girls in leotards. C was wearing a Ninja Turtle t-shirt and was beyond stoked to learn Turtle pose. They learned a little song about Namaste and sang it all the way home.
While they were getting bendy, I took Lily over to Waseda Farm Market (just a few steps from Jenstar) and picked up some of their awesome bacon (it's what I used in the quiche-smoked and uncured, nitrate free) a couple of sticks of grassfed butter, and some almond butter with coconut oil mixed in. That's such a cute store. If you haven't been, you should go.
The kids had McDonald's for dinner. They've been pestering me for a week. I don't eat fast food myself, but I'm trying to be careful not to demonize food in any way for my kids. My mom pounded into my head that white bread was evil and regular soda was fattening and sugary cereals would rot my teeth until I was 17. What do you think I ate when I got to college? White bread, regular soda, chocolate milk, and sugar cereal (and little chocolate donuts and desserts galore). I gained 50 pounds my freshman year. I figure if they have a healthy relationship with all kinds of food and we provide them with many, many fresh wholesome choices with some "fun" food sprinkled in, then they'll be equipped to indulge responsibly...and maybe they won't need a goddamn sugar support group like me.
So for dinner I had leftover beef and bacon pie. I was going to save it, but it was calling my name. This is even better the second day. I'm a little sad I sent the rest of the leftovers to work with the husband. We are totally making this again.
I ate it extra slow to make it laaaaaaaaast.
I wasn't exactly craving anything after dinner, but I was still a little hungry and as I said, had no more cottage pie, so I ate the other half of the pudding I made yesterday. Now I'm good.
This isn't really sweet, but next week it will taste like candy.
I did 4 loads of laundry today, but didn't touch the dishes. Maybe later. Maybe not. I'm a free spirit like that. I'm also making a pair of socks for Lily, since I found a pattern for tube socks for kids. No shaped heel means they will wear longer before being outgrown, so after a year of bothering me she'll get her wish.
We have a fundraiser dinner for the Games bound athletes on Friday. Most awesome thing about that? I get to go out and socialize with my buddies and I won't have to worry about sliding off my detox. Steak, broccoli, and sweet potatoes. Winning. There's Paleo dessert, too, but I figure I can resist...or I can take it home and freeze it for Day 22.
Now it's time to wash the spawn. I might indulge in a glass of kombucha and a few kale chips later as well.
It's a wild life I lead.