Last Monday morning we got a bomb dropped on us at work. One of our co-workers (in fact, the lead technician) died over the weekend. It was sudden, and completely unexpected. I'd worked with her for almost 6 years and it is a huge loss. She was one of the smartest, most capable women I've ever known. Beyond that, she was sharp and funny and didn't take shit from anyone. I loved working with her. I know that for many of the staff she took on a "work mom" role. She wasn't that to me (I'm old and standoffish), but I regarded her as a peer and I feel her loss acutely.
Well, I don't cry. Not often, anyway. I'm a supremely ugly crier, and Kari and I had several conversations about crying at work over the years. I figured being dry-eyed was kind of a tribute. Anyway, I don't show my feelings-I eat them.
This is pretty much what my feelings tasted like this week.
So after an extremely successful month of May-into-June from a fitness/weightloss perspective, I spiraled down into carb wallowing. It's what I do. On the upside, I remained fully functional at work and at home. On the downside? I put on like 5 pounds. In a week. Which seems cosmically unfair. Oh well. There are worse things, as this past week has borne out. I went to 3 codes this past week. No one made it. So I crammed in a doughnut. It helped. But the wallowing needs to stop now, because I've had a headache for three days and I'm so tired that the thought of going for a run makes me ache. In other words, I'm a fucking mess. But I know how to fix it, so I am.
I've done the 21 Day Sugar Detox before. It's from Balanced Bites (they're on FB and teh interwebs, don't ask me for links, you know how to use Google). I have the guidebook (currently on loan) and got the cookbook a couple of months ago. I decided to follow one of the meal plans already in the book so that I wouldn't have to think too much as I emerge from this sugar fog. So here's day one:
Oldie but goodie.
Oh, I'm also working extra this week which means my internal clock is massively fucked up. Today is an "awake" day because the hubs is working. That means breakfast in the hospital cafeteria with the kids before coming home to staying up pretty much all day and trying not to kill anyone. The good news is the cafeteria is fairly Paleo friendly (I should mention I detox at Level 3 which is basically perfect Paleo) and I can get the kids pancakes without having to make them myself.
Once I got home I worked on a few things for the week. An egg bake that involved caramelized onions which I made yesterday. Ever caramelized onions? It takes for FUCKING EVER. 4 onions over super low heat for an HOUR. Yields about a cup of caramelized goodness. This "quiche" better taste like fucking angel wings or I'm going to be pretty hocked off. But it's made and it's 4 mornings worth, so there's that.
On nights I work I sleep during the day which means I don't eat lunch because I'm unconscious. Awake days can be dicey because sometimes I'm hungry at lunch and sometimes I'm not, but I really don't need to eat an entire extra meal. Today I opted to skip eating lunch in favor of putting my work lunchbox together for the overnight. I'll eat "lunch" around midnight.
This is jalapeno tuna salad and greens. I made the mayo, and the salad includes celery, jalapenos (Yeah, I know there's a tilda but I'm too lazy to go find the enyay. Fuck off.) red onion, dill, salt and pepper. I think I might have used too much jalapeno. Good thing I like spicy food.
Smokey lime roasted nuts, avo-ziki and veg.
I roasted some pecans, almonds, and walnuts in coconut oil, lime, and spices for snacks. Makes a Ball jar full which is about 6 servings. I also made avo-ziki sauce for my dinner, but it made a lot so I figured I'd put some veg and dip in my lunch.
Also the leftover GS from my dinner.
The Detox allows either one green tipped banana or one green apple each day. The goal is to retrain your body and tastebuds to not crave sugar as though it was heroin. Right now I'm in the heroin phase. It's funny, because when you eliminate every blessed sweetener from your diet, things that really aren't sweet start tasting like candy. I'll be in that place in about 7 days if memory serves. Until then I'll be wrestling the sugar dragon, but the fight gets easier each time.
Pork burger on spinach with avo-ziki, beet and carrot slaw with apples
The recipe for the burgers called for lamb, but that's not easy to find. Pork is a reasonable approximation. A little lemon zest and garlic and dill, some avo-ziki and a few leaves. Delicious. The beets and carrots actually went really nicely together with the green apple with a little oil and lemon dressing. My kids weren't interested, but I didn't expect them to be. More for me. Shredding beets will absolutely make you look like you just committed a horrible, horrible crime. Don't get it on your face. It scares children.
Oh, I almost forgot. Because I worked overnight, my detox started at midnight instead of in the morning. Here's was my first snack. Hard boiled eggs, a cup of strong coffee, and 64 ounces of water. That carafe will keep beer cold for 48 hours. How awesome is that?
I'm back on the straight and narrow, and I feel better already. I wish I could figure out a way to avoid the unbridled doughnut to face smashing during times of grief or stress. Still, it's not like I get drunk or high. Well, sugar high, but that's not illegal. Is it destructive? Yes it is, but it's destruction that can be rapidly undone. I drug myself with food. But if it keeps me together so the people around me feel okay to fall apart, is that so bad? There are worse things.
In exciting news, I bought two swimsuits. For swimming. They are pretty much the biggest size Speedo makes (40), but fuck it. They fit pretty well and I'm going to swim. One of my CF buddies has a pool, and another was a swim team guy. I'm going to get some free refresher lessons, learn how to kick turn, and embrace my thunder thighs.
Look at my spider veins and cellulite. LOOK AT THEM!!!
Tonight is my 8th night of 8 before 3 off and another 7 on. I'm going to hit the box, run, and get in a round of golf this week. It's time to start focusing on the positive.
Seize the day, bitches.