Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Drugs R Good, m'kay?

Today was procedure day. The Mirena met it's maker (PS Mirena sits on a throne of lies) and I got to see the inside of my uterus for the second time in my life.

The kids got up craaaazy early for some reason, so I made them some French toast and blueberries. I was instructed to have a "light breakfast".


Fantastic husband walked the kids to school and I enjoyed a second cup of coffee while procrastinating getting in the shower.  I did eventually wash myself. I even shaved my legs and put on make-up. I think most women do this before they go to the gynecologist. It seems mean to not make an effort.

My Gyn in Des Moines looked exactly like David Duchovny. That was disconcerting.

I took my pre-meds on the way to the office.

Benzos and narcs, oh my!

By the time I was standing in line waiting to check in I was feeling...odd. By the time I was sitting in the exam room answering a million questions about my health history and having my vitals taken I felt like I was 2 glasses of wine into a bender. BP 106/60, HR 52. Then I get "are you okay?" and I have to say "Yeah, it's cool, I work out a lot."  The LPN (who looks exactly like my MIL) actually offered me a wheelchair to the procedure room. Please. I've been waaaaaaay drunker than that.

The procedure itself only takes about 90 seconds, but you get a nerve block before they begin and a series of biopsies as a matter of course. I didn't feel any of the injections of anesthetic, so winning there. Then they put the camera in and take some measurements. The inside of a uterus is pretty cool looking. Next comes the burning. Takes just under 2 minutes and felt like...not much really. I might be the wrong person to ask about pain level since I've suffered crippling menstrual cramps my whole life. On a scale of 0-10? This was a zero. Of course, I was pretty doped up. I spent the whole time yakking about yoga and books to one of the nurses in the room.

Afterwards you get another peek into the scorched wasteland that is a post-ablation uterus. I felt a sick satisfaction at it's demise. Then you hang out and have your vitals done a couple times and it's out the door. HR post-procedure? 41. My cardiovascular fitness is on point. 

Fantastic husband drove me to and from today so I wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel. We went to Anduzzi's for some lunch. I had a beer. For science.

Thumbs up.

Also a chicken pesto flatbread. It was tasty and I was actually hungry! Because I ate breakfast at 0600 and didn't have a snack unless you count the handful of pills I had before going to the clinic. I wonder which checkbox that goes under...

This was good. 

I also got a mini concrete mixer from Culver's. Because uterus. I took a picture of it, but damned if I know where it is. I blame the Percocet.

When we got home I burrowed into bed with my hot pad and read for a bit. Then slept for 3 hours. I am what would be called "opiod naive" in that aside from a couple of Vicodin 5 years ago I've never ingested a controlled substance. It shows. Hell of a good nap, though.

I did eat an afternoon snack and check a few more boxes. Greek yogurt, raspberries, and chia seeds. Since it had been 4 hours since my last meal I didn't mind eating it. I wasn't exactly hungry, but I didn't exactly have to force feed myself either. 

It ain't ice cream.

Tonight fantastic husband made "Pizza Piles". Spaghetti squash topped with pizza sauce and whatever pizza related accoutrements you like and mozzarella cheese. I ate a small portion (didn't want to push it) and it was pretty good. The spawn loooooved it.

I liked it, too.

I still have some unchecked boxes, but I'm going to leave them. If I'm hungry later I may have a small snack, but I'm not going to stress about it. Tomorrow, uterus willing, I'll go for a short run and do some yoga in the evening. I'll make sure to get all the boxes checked going forward. It'll be interesting to see how this translates to the overnight of it all. For some reason I think it might be easier, since there are more hours in the day when I'm on nights. Off weeks I get 8-10 hours of sleep a night. On weeks it's more like 6. More time for eating.

And now we wait. The Gyn says there's a 90% chance this will utterly eliminate my problem. After the Mirena debacle, I'm dubious but hopeful. One of the RNs was joking that she wished there were a uterus donation program so that when you were done with yours you could pass it on to a woman who could use it. I am completely on board with that. Someone make it happen. 

This Percocet is good shit. I'm going to quit typing while I'm still coherent. 

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