Friday, January 15, 2016


Yesterday I saw the sports nutritionist. Because I was having a BIA (bioimpedance analysis) done I couldn't work out for 12 hours before my appointment or eat for 4 hours before. I also had to pound at least a quart of water an hour or so beforehand. Wednesday was a treadmill run and 75 minutes of hot yoga, but I was done by 8pm. It was also my last night on at work, so I had breakfast at 7am and then headed home. Since I couldn't do my usual run/barre combo or go to the box I took a nap. Sleeping certainly makes fasting easier. Problem is, when I woke up I wanted coffee. Oh yeah, also no caffeine for 12 hours before. No coffee, no food, no workout.  Cranky. That's what I was.

I dovetailed an oil change onto my trip to Appleton. This doesn't seem like it would be a problem, but the Mazda dealership has a lounge with drinks and snacks and coffee. None of which I could have. So I resentfully drank water and tried to lose myself in book 2 of The Expanse series.

Side note: If you're a sci-fi person? Read this series. The first book knocked me right out. It's called Leviathan Wakes. Book 2 is Caliban's War and I'm practically unable to do anything but read it. The premise is fascinating, the plot is interesting, the action is non-stop...and the female characters are intelligent, powerful, and nuanced. Love love love love love.

Anyway, the sports nutritionist. I was measured, weighed (I guessed my weight within 0.2 pounds and I haven't weighed myself in months 165.2 if you're interested), and had the BIA done. I found out that I'm a perfectly healthy, sturdy person with substantially more muscle than the average bear (yay) and 26% body fat (boo). I should mention that that percentage is considered normal, but I'd like to see it drift south.  Kirk (nutrition guy) was happy to hear that I don't want to lose weight. Every 2 weeks I will have the BIA repeated so I can see the balance shifting between fat and muscle. The test also measures total body water and determines hydration status. Apparently I'm very well hydrated. Yipee! We also spent some time going over my lab work. Everything looked pretty routine.

The crux of the message I got was "You don't eat enough". I knew that was coming. I was given a checklist of servings of food that I am required to eat each day and a list of examples of what each serving entails.

Here's what I gotta cram in my pie hole.

Broken down this has me eating 5 or 6 times a day. I have avoided snacking for quite a long time because it takes me down a rabbit hole of meaningless eating. A little of this, a little of adds up to a lot of bullshit, usually. So now I have to snack. And eat huge meals. It's fucking strange.  

Breakfast was 2 eggs, a big handful of spinach, a handful of mushrooms, half a sweet potato, and a cup of raspberries. This is about 2-2.5 times the amount of food I usually eat at breakfast. I had to break out the giant dinner plates to accommodate it all. I spent years (YEARS!) eating off salad plates to control portions, and now I'm digging out the giant plates. Psychologically, this is challenging. Also this is a fuckton of food, and it's intimidating.

So much fucking food.

I ate it all. Then I felt ill. I allowed myself 2 cups of coffee today (nutrition man says I need to cut down my consumption). I'm also supposed to get 80ish oz of water. That's a lot of water.

Today was my 3 mile time trial. I was pretty pumped about it. When I walked the smalls to school this morning it was quite warm and I was very much looking forward to flat out flying for 24-27 minutes. I even put on my favorite shirt.

Plaid, stripes, and polka-dots. 
Whimsy, motherfuckers.

Then I went outside and literally slid down the driveway. For real. Our driveway has a pretty serious pitch. I stepped out of the garage and when I turned back to close the garage door I started to slide all the way down to the road. I had to walk back up in the snow and cling to the house to get back in. So yeah. No time trial today.

I came inside and grumped about the weather to fantastic husband for a bit. Then I ate a snack.

All the water.

Then jumped on the bloody treadmill for a few miles, since I couldn't do them outside and I'm not taking another fucking rest day.

Fucking treadmill. I look excited, yes?

So I did that, then I ice skated over to the school to collect the kids. They headed to the basement to watch cartoons and I made myself some lunch. Once again, giant dinner plate loaded with food. Once again, I ate it all.


Then I did some laundry and tried not to ralph. My guts are not used to this much volume.  Also I read some more Caliban's War. Until my tablet needed to be plugged in. Having to plug in a book sucks, but if I buy any more physical books our house will collapse under their weight.

I gave the spawn an afternoon snack to stop them from whining about an afternoon snack. And I also had a snack.

Pretty normal, I guess.

It was leftover night for dinner, so I fed the hungry vultures sloppy joe's (which they devoured) and I heated up some leftover broccoli beef (homemade). The broccoli beef wasn't enough, though, so I added half a sweet potato and a cup of peas to get my legumes and my second serving of starchy veg. I had to force feed myself. I did not want to eat at all, much less this giant bowl of food.  Right now I feel uncomfortably full. I kind of want to lay on the couch and moan. If I was wearing pants with a button, I'd have to undo it. Fortunately I'm wearing leggings, which are totally pants.

So much food.

I still have to eat a protein serving tonight. I don't know how that's going to go. 

HBE. Just looking at this picture makes me feel ill.

Today was lower activity than intended. I was supposed to have a flat out effort on the run and then go to the box. Mother Nature fucked up my run, and the school system making today early release fucked up my trip to the box. Although, truthfully that was a blessing in disguise. I didn't need to be driving across town on icy roads. I'd like my new car not to end up like my old one. Maybe I would've been hungrier if I'd done those things. Maybe not. I'll have more going on tomorrow, so maybe I'll get to find out.

I've decided that I'm going to trust the process here. Right now I feel like this is kind of crazy, but nutrition guy knows what my goals are and he swears he can help me get there. Two weeks with this initial plan, then tweaking as needed. That means I might end up eating even more. I can't believe I'm saying this, but that sounds terrible. 

Tomorrow we're going to hit up the community WOD and I'll probably go for another boring treader run. I've been out of the box way too long. Life got in the way this week, and the pesky need to sleep.  Speaking of sleep, I'll be turning in early tonight. All this eating is exhausting.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to waddle up the stairs and put on my pajamas. I hope I fit through the bedroom door.


  1. Who is this nutrition guy you speak of and how much did he cost? I need a guy to tell me to eat mass amounts of food as well.

    1. His name is Kirk. He's at Nutritional Healing in Appleton!